Single, Upholding Standards & All…

Create even a barbed wire around you to guard your heart if need be

Let us begin by saying that no matter how spiritual you are, breathing fire, binding demons and heaven bound, you are not exempted from the potential of acceding into a moral temptation. And true as it is as a woman, you can easily be a downfall for any man; married or unmarried, no matter how godly the man is. Now, it is sad how our society today has accultured us to taking serious things casually. We date without purpose just to belong and find identity. We have a string of friends with benefit who can cool down our system when the hormones threaten to rip us in two and worst still, some trait of married men using money and affluence to bed young women. With this generation where someone will say that “hurting you is the last thing I will do” but what they mean is that hurting you is actually in the list of their to do things, it becomes important for unmarried lady to have standards to help guard your heart in this cruel and heartless generation but also protect those men we interact with and their marriages and our reputation.

Some people will certainly see that hedge around you in the name of standards and think it is an avenue for controlling the other party but deep down you know it serves to protect both parties especially where marriage is concerned. Forget those thinking that standards serves to restrict them from enjoying, on the contrary, it helps one to enjoy healthy friendships with the opposite sex around us. Personally, having witnessed the anguish and outcry of an almost at the verge of breaking  marriage due to introduction of the third person into the scene, I decided that upholding these standards today has helped me to be indirectly involved in firming marriages and family relationships especially when relating to a married man at work or even church . Basically by knowing my limits, the kind of jokes and interactions I can have with a married man who is a friend etc.

By upholding standard, you set yourself to be attracted to your kind. The Bible says, charm is deceptive, beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Standards set redefine your beauty as a woman because it emanates from your convictions at heart and fellowship with God; and shapes your actions around men, choice of you words etc. in essence, this helps you to use your “honey” to attract bees and by all means keep off flies that always buzz around to get something for nothing.

A good example is a hug. There those people you hug but really nothing happens but I for instance set it so straight that I can’t hug a person of the other sex more than 30 seconds, unless it is the heartbeat that we are looking to hear. And because there is always a physical attraction and magical chemistry with the person you date, those long hugs, kiss, cuddle are things your body naturally crave for and basically setting boundaries helps you two to protect each other.

Avoid opportunities for temptation

Our spirit man is saved, we are daily being sanctified in Christ but our bodies are carnal and not yet saved. Do not meet a brother, married or otherwise in lonely places, his house etc. Stop flirting with them unless your intention is to awaken a hurricane and you don’t have a ship to sail you across safely. Always dress appropriately while meeting the other party and by all means keep your hands to yourself, innocently jabbing on his chest is an invitation to not so good things… touch communicates a lot, that’s what my lecturer taught me and how you touch and where equally tells much. Refrain from those touches.

Do not be available to participate in a talk that is detrimental to his relationship…

 There are these men who have been your friends and never kept a secret from you. They marry and after a short while, they ask for a coffee hangout and they begin to speak of how that woman is nagging him. Please, setting boundaries will help you know that participating in this conversation is wrong. Don’t  listen to him criticize his wife, praise her instead. Don’t be available to be a listening ear to his marital tension…you are not yet married, so what counsel are you going to offer on a road you haven’t treaded? This is a slippery road that makes a man susceptible to easily cheat by assuming that you are understanding and caring which is not true! So keep off!

Remember,

·         when the Bible admonishes us to treat younger men as brothers and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity (1 Timothy 5:1-2) it is basically reminding us that by watching our lives, and biblical doctrine closely in terms of being driven by obedience, then  we  save both ourselves and our hearers because our testimony and actions are consistent." (1 Timothy 4:16).

·         That when we set the boundaries, we are protecting ourselves from the temptation of awakening love before its time and it becomes a prerequisite to avoiding a hint of sexual immorality (Ephesians 5:3).keeping our marriage bed pure(Hebrews 13:4) and controlling our bodies in a honorable way (1 Thessalonians 4:4).

Guarding yourself is important even if others will think otherwise and give names pegged on your rigidity. if creating that hedge means erecting a barbed wire around yourself to keep off some characters who could climb over the wall to confuse you, then by all means do. Stating this firm non-negotiables is not to say that you are giving the other party a threat but rather telling of the consequence of you two meeting in his house alone can lead to and so in a way discouraging such meetings. 

“Setting boundaries is not giving up on people, boundaries shows others how you desire to be treated and it is their choice to listen or not.”

Yours Truly,

Sisters’ Keeper

 #TrippleS 110

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