Should I pursue a man?

He should initiate, then you respond

Well, it is a question that is hotly debated in our circles and incidentally very subjective. Some men will argue that a woman who has the guts to tell them that she likes him is a good thing because she knows what she wants. But in most of my interactions with men, they are always happy to initiate things and do the hunting; a woman telling him straight to his face that she likes him is strange and somewhat a sign of desperation.  “I want to feel like a man. Her asking denies me that chance,” one of them had said.

But we are Christians, and so without doubt I will be inclined to what I feel convicted about as far as the place of men in marriage is. I believe that a man should initiate and make the first move, and the lady responds. I know you are just about to quote the Ruth and Boaz kind of scenario. Relax; about Ruth, we can do an exegesis of the same and understanding her cultural context will clear the air.

I think that if as a lady you want a godly man who will take the lead and responsibility at home, then you should let him do the hunting. Otherwise, pursuing him will in a way be robbing him of the one thing that defines his masculinity/manhood—which is the role of a leader. Just let the man be, sweetie.

 1 Corinthians 11:3 says this; “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”

The man is wired to take lead and you doing that is showing that you can still take charge and be the ‘man’ of the house.

Let us go back to God’s model for marriage. We were used to hearing, as we grew up, about the 4 P’s (Priest, Protector, Provider, Prophet) that defines biblical manhood and from this, one thing comes out strongly: God’s design is for men to take the leading role.
 In Ephesians 5:22, the Bible talks about marriage and because dating for us is ideally intended to lead to marriage, then pursuit of the already laid proposition of the leading role of a man  becomes key as we build the foundation.

 ²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. ²⁴ Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

From the excerpt, it is clear that God’s hierarchy is Christ heading the man while man leads the woman in marriage as she submits to the leadership of the man. I believe submitting does not begin when you have exchanged vows but rather when you, as a single person, are getting ready for marriage by asking God to give you a teachable spirit and accept the leading of another person.

Let him ask you out and respond. I know there are instances where you feel connected to a man but he doesn’t say anything. You have given him the necessary cues and understated affirmation that he is the one who has stolen your heart but he is quiet. Should you pursue him? No. Do not. If all that is obvious and he is not making a move, two things are likely:

·         He doesn’t share the same feelings and attachments you do. Truth hurts but when a man is interested in you, he will not sit and wait for you to pursue. He will initiate conversations, suggest meetings and hunt you down. In fact, he will not give you any breathing space and his concern for you will almost border bother. If you pursue, it means he is absolutely not interested.

·         He is not a leader and needs to build up his courage and leadership before he can be fit for dating that leads to marriage. See, God’s design is that a man should lead and that a woman’s desire will be for him. I speak for myself and I believe it is the same gut feeling every female has. You will always want to feel wanted and pursued and not be on the pursuing end. You crave to be wooed — that attention, the beautiful messages to sweep you off your feet and all that wooing entails. So when you pursue as a lady, he may actually give in but what that does is reverse God’s hierarchy. 

     You take the leading role and the man then just sits around and you become the one to run the home. Eventually, because you are not wired to be initiator and leader, you will try for a few years— if you have the strength— and then all of a sudden get tired. You snap. You cry out, “This man is just sitting, he is lazy, I’m the one footing our bills, I literally do everything in that house; can’t he just be the man for heaven’s sake?” But you will be to blame, you started the fire darling…deal with it.

Because you are not wired to lead, within a short time you will get tired, and start talking about how you need to have a real man in the house. 

And it is simple. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.”  Basically, it is a man who notices, initiates, and eventually when she responds, he finds a wife and in finding her obtains favor from the Lord, not the other way round.

Out of Love,

Sisters Keeper!

#TrippleS111