My Unmarried, Good, Non-Christian Male Friend…& Missionary Dating

Mmmmh,Not such a Good Idea

I know most of us ladies have 1 or 2 male friends who are non-Christian but so good, so cute and having it all together that at some point you have entertained the thought of just saying yes to his proposal and boom, you’d be married. If only.

They have not hidden their interest and intention to settle with you. He is one fine character unlike how you have been brought up to believe the non- Christian to be and is kind, smart, visionary, and remarkable guy who makes you laugh, connects with you and you feel meh around him. He always reminds you how amazing you are, never forgets your birthday, calls every other time and when hanging out with friends, he always refers to you as “my dream alpha woman” who has refused my offer. I am almost thinking that the picture of that man is in your head right now as you read. Even if he is drinking type, he is the social drinker as we like to paint it not to look so bad and if on the extreme he goes to the pub, in his drunken state, he is the type that shouts to the bartenders to leave him alone because he only loves “stacy”! You probably have coffees countless times and he never stops to remind you that all it takes is for you to just say yes and you’d be married like yesterday.

So here you are, raised up well in church, loving Jesus, singing in worship and totally sold out to Him. Never in your wildest dream did you envision being single for a long season in life. It was always the picturesque of you going to Sunday school, loving Jesus, becoming a youth and graduate in High school, have a basketball hottie as your prom date, get to college, meet someone spectacular, get married and have babies and a family of your own. Now, at 22 you felt good and ready to have a proper boyfie and at 25, God knows you were ready for marital life as someone shared. However, 27 kicked in and somehow you told yourself that it’s okay as God is probably working on some few things before you are ready to build a home with someone. You celebrate your last 20’s birthday, before you know it, second floor is saying goodbye and the steps leading to third floor beckons for you to lift your foot. 

Now in the third floor, you feel like this wait thing is a hoax altogether. You feel bad and cheated by God and the pressure from society and within mounts up…

You hear things like

•    “Uuhm, there is a son of my friend, he is a good man and I think he is not married, I would like for you to meet him.
•  You know, maybe you should just have a man to give you a kid if this marriage thing is not working
•   You really need to settle, when you get kids past some age, they are normally retarded, do something
•  You have to tone down girl, I think you are over ambitious and that scares men off.
•   Give that unmarried, non-Christian guy a chance…you know he will change, marriage changes people and you can change him….Eeh, lets stop here, did someone just say that I can change him? Am I Christ to change him? Cheei and as some comic writer put it, remember you are not “Holy Spirit Junior” to convict and change a man. Forget about this false evangelism called “missionary dating” in the hope that you will change him.

With the pressure, then you decide. “After all he loves me” and you throw caution to the winds and give in. Of course you enjoy the love and attention for a while but then you realize, there is still a void that is unfilled. It is even true when you understand that the thing that drives you and epitomizes your being is identity in Christ and that is the subject that you just can’t have a conversation on. This reality hits you when you know that there are days you just don’t want to be told how pretty and “fantamagorgeous” you are but you want to share a on a conviction you got through God’s word; that moment when you realize his love wont fill that void and all that will be suffice at the time  is him just praying with you and saying that “darling, I know it’s difficult for us but God is our refuge” but he can’t even recite Hail Mary or the Lord’s Prayer, leave alone the Apostle Creed and the subject just makes him uncomfortable.(pun intended)

It can be tempting and an easy quick fix to prove a point to self and others but do not settle for a non-Christian male friend for dating that leads to marriage. It doesn’t matter how good, cute, endowed and packaged he comes. You may have even verified with FBI and confirmed the dude is clean with no traits of a serial killer but don’t settle. Because your identity is in Christ, he/she may not get to really know you without knowing the Christ in you. And if you are genuinely and passionately pursuing Christ in your life, yoking with non-Christian good male friend is not a wise option. Your lives are so different sweetheart and you know it.

However, this is not by any means saying that you shut that non-Christian male because having them in your life equals giving the devil a playground to play “azonto”. It is actually unchristian to shut people out because they don’t subscribe to your faith. These are your colleagues at work; your cousin’s friends etc, what is important is creating boundaries and making a choice not to entertain them as lovers but by all means appreciating who they are. Jesus reminds us that we are the salt of the world, we can’t shut the world out and that is where we have called to go ye and make impact. Have them in your life but have the correct boundaries and let your light so shine that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in Heaven, can I get a Halleluyah.

I know it is hard in a marriage idolized society but accept that you are single and unattached, be open minded about meeting new people and getting to know brothers but meanwhile, life shouldn’t stop. Keep flying solo…God has got your back, literally and you aint solo as you think.

Love,

Sisters Keeper!

#TrippleS109