Late 20’s & 30+… When are you getting married? Not again!!

My friend and I..and I love heels

Let’s begin by saying that I will be getting married. Someday. I have not been called into celibacy so we can sigh a huge relief. But please do not ask me when I am getting married. I don’t know yet but I will. I trust in Him who is Jehovah Shammah, He is already there in my future. And if you keep nagging about it and act like the all-knowing deific person who has mastered the essence time and order of life clock ticks, then I will as well return your question with a sarcastic “When are you going to die?” 

I know most of us in the city go back to the country side every other holiday and once in a while we have our family gatherings. Cousins you have hardly seen for years show up. People make merry, have fun time and we get introduced to nieces and nephews.  With massive eating, the mood is generally ecstatic until it begins.

“So when are you getting married? You know I am really waiting to dance on your wedding before arthritis eat up my leg,” says auntie X loud enough for others to hear and chip in.

“Or you should even just have a baby you know, years are going and we need to see your “lets”. ‘’

“Mmmmh,” is the only ad lib response you give but they aren’t done yet.

You are that darling auntie, pretty by all means, working in a great firm in the city and when you go for such gatherings, every other niece can’t keep off you. You are the coolest aunt they say. The one, who remembers to bring all her nieces a gift, allows them to use her iPad to take pix. She lets them watch movie from her laptop and try out her heels and make up. You make your nieces happy and most want to be you when they grow up.

The pressure is real; from friends and even family. They can’t understand why the beautiful family version of “Halle Berry” is still single and not saying anything about bringing someone home over Christmas or thanksgiving. They don’t get it that being in late twenties and thirty plus doesn’t necessarily mean that you should be married and cradling your baby.

So next time, before you open your mouth to someone asking the same question “Why are you not married? I’d appreciate if you carefully consider this few things:

1.  Being single in my late twenties doesn’t mean that I do not want to be married. On the contrary, it could be exactly what I want by then but have come to appreciate that at the right time it will come to pass. And this kind of question is those that make us feel that our singleness has become an inadequate status in our personal growth. It’s hard enough waiting and trusting God for a mate with the discipline of “WAIT”. Do not make young believers compromise coz of pressure. Think it over sweetheart
2.   I am not implying that I do not have sexual urges and really do not mind being single; rather, I am battling every day with the flesh and praying for self-control and more grace from Jesus. I have sexual drive and many times my libido skyrockets and all I want is a man by my bedside; to make me feel like the woman I am and the struggle is real. So be careful.
3.   That sometimes loneliness we feel inside hurts so much and badly wounds us. And he who is sick in love is sick too just like any other maladies. So, knowing that we are not alone in this gives us courage to press on. Questioning our sanity and our anomaly is the last thing we need at this stage. Encourage us instead.
4.   It is not that I have been brainwashed by the “Miss Independent” ideology that is slowly eating my family values. By no means! I regard family and know professional achievement isn’t the greatest measure of success. As a matter of fact, I’d love to have my kids all grown and going to the countryside just to spend time with my parents…their grandparents. And I have names for them chosen already if/when God blesses us with them. And yes, I pray for them by name even when they are non-existent as at now.
5.   Oh, “ You have set such high bars which no one can attain, ooh, you are looking for perfection in an imperfect world, ooh, scale down just a little all men are the same” Sounds familiar? I have heard that countless times. Please, give us a break; I am happy you are married. You chose your spouse and I am sure you were convinced this is the man or woman I want to grow old with. You were not coerced by anyone. Same way, the partner I say yes to will be my own choice, you can’t decide for me whom I should or should not settle with. You can just advise and give counsel. Not telling me how high the standard has been set and how open minded I should be. Thank you.
6.   I will not marry or get married because the society expects that. I will not be married because my mother has been begging me that she now needs to see her grandchildren. I will be married when I meet the person who by all means “marries” into my mission and calling for life. Eventually, it is me who will live with that man or woman in our house, you will be nowhere to be seen after eating the cake and we make our first dance as a couple. Or would you? Let me take time so when I finally ask to introduce him to you, I have sought the Lord and I have His peace that now, this is him. Not to suggest that he /she is an angel, of course there is point of compromise but not compromising on the core values of my faith as a Christian. I know that I am into ministry and by all means will have that as a key compatibility checklist before I say yes. (and before you poke me here, ministry is diverse so I am not insinuating a pastor but who knows…) Basically, settling with someone whom your visions marry at some point.

Now to the late twenties and 30+…

You have attended and keep attending friend’s weddings and engagements but seemingly, no one has had that eye on you! How long do you hang on? Will you just hold on just a little and then decide to waste your life by making a desperate choice?
Maybe you’ve prayed and fasted about the significant other and now you are asking “How long Lord must I wait?” but God is softly whispering to your ears, “Never mind child, just trust in me.”

Though waiting silently is often the hardest things of all, it is concerning these emotions that we feel most deeply that we ought to be silent until we have thoroughly talked it over with God. He wants you to wait on him. Love sickness may seem a small thing compared to other sicknesses but yes, one who is sick with love is sick indeed and our Father understands that all too well.
Refuse self-pity and accept where you are. Trust God, and live your life to the fullest; Like today was your last. Serve the Lord, serve humanity and next time we will blogging about your wedding and how God connected you with your rib.

Love

Sisters keeper!