Is it okay that I am not saying much?

How much silence is too much silence?  

 Every introvert at some points asks themselves this and I am no exception.

Some of my friends are very loud and social butterflies. I am not.  I think a lot and have a loud mind instead. I just love my personal space and being quiet. It doesn’t mean I am angry, sad or mad. I just want to have a quiet time in my special cosmos.

Some friends that I have grown close to understand but a bunch of others don’t. My silence makes them uncomfortable. The mistake most make if they’re really desperate is trying to badger some words out of me, saying things like, “You’re being awfully quiet. Please say something.” Gosh, that statement alone kills any hope of conversation trust me.

And yes, when we had a plan of hangout with my friends and somehow they call in last minute to say something came up and we can’t hang with the said crowd, it’s a “whooof” moment, such an instant relief. The feeling of canceling plans that has a lot to do with crowds is like heroin injection in an addict’s vein.

Verbal diarrhea is not my ailment, no. Other times, I prefer tongue-tied knowledge to ignorant loquacity as one Margaret Donnano puts it. The truth is, I also wish that I could tell of the REAL reason why I am so quiet at that particular moment in a conversation.  Sometimes it’s because I’m tired, or I feel like daydreaming, but other times THEY are the cause for my taped up lips. The conversation is just a “cheap talk” that I can’t get myself into. Just to be clear, as an introvert, I do not hate small talk because I dislike people. I hate small talk because of the barrier it creates between people. Cheap talk is fake and superficial. I am sorry but the extroverted person who is gaudy drains at times.

 I am strong but silent listener. As Susan Cain writes, introverts like myself listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if we express ourselves better in writing than in conversation. Most have a tendency to dislike conflict and have a horror for small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.

Extroverts are awesome, they make life vibrant. Introverts are equally awesome, they create oasis of peace that balances the bang level in our circles. Learn to put yourself in the correct lighting. For the extrovert that would be a Broadway spotlight, for my kind, a lamplit desk will do!

I hope next time you understand that sometimes I want to be alone… with someone else who wants to be alone. With a good read, a mug of steaming hot coffee or by the bedroom window, just staring at the soft musical of the raindrops.