Late 20’s & 30+… When are you getting married? Not again!!

My friend and I..and I love heels

Let’s begin by saying that I will be getting married. Someday. I have not been called into celibacy so we can sigh a huge relief. But please do not ask me when I am getting married. I don’t know yet but I will. I trust in Him who is Jehovah Shammah, He is already there in my future. And if you keep nagging about it and act like the all-knowing deific person who has mastered the essence time and order of life clock ticks, then I will as well return your question with a sarcastic “When are you going to die?” 

I know most of us in the city go back to the country side every other holiday and once in a while we have our family gatherings. Cousins you have hardly seen for years show up. People make merry, have fun time and we get introduced to nieces and nephews.  With massive eating, the mood is generally ecstatic until it begins.

“So when are you getting married? You know I am really waiting to dance on your wedding before arthritis eat up my leg,” says auntie X loud enough for others to hear and chip in.

“Or you should even just have a baby you know, years are going and we need to see your “lets”. ‘’

“Mmmmh,” is the only ad lib response you give but they aren’t done yet.

You are that darling auntie, pretty by all means, working in a great firm in the city and when you go for such gatherings, every other niece can’t keep off you. You are the coolest aunt they say. The one, who remembers to bring all her nieces a gift, allows them to use her iPad to take pix. She lets them watch movie from her laptop and try out her heels and make up. You make your nieces happy and most want to be you when they grow up.

The pressure is real; from friends and even family. They can’t understand why the beautiful family version of “Halle Berry” is still single and not saying anything about bringing someone home over Christmas or thanksgiving. They don’t get it that being in late twenties and thirty plus doesn’t necessarily mean that you should be married and cradling your baby.

So next time, before you open your mouth to someone asking the same question “Why are you not married? I’d appreciate if you carefully consider this few things:

1.  Being single in my late twenties doesn’t mean that I do not want to be married. On the contrary, it could be exactly what I want by then but have come to appreciate that at the right time it will come to pass. And this kind of question is those that make us feel that our singleness has become an inadequate status in our personal growth. It’s hard enough waiting and trusting God for a mate with the discipline of “WAIT”. Do not make young believers compromise coz of pressure. Think it over sweetheart
2.   I am not implying that I do not have sexual urges and really do not mind being single; rather, I am battling every day with the flesh and praying for self-control and more grace from Jesus. I have sexual drive and many times my libido skyrockets and all I want is a man by my bedside; to make me feel like the woman I am and the struggle is real. So be careful.
3.   That sometimes loneliness we feel inside hurts so much and badly wounds us. And he who is sick in love is sick too just like any other maladies. So, knowing that we are not alone in this gives us courage to press on. Questioning our sanity and our anomaly is the last thing we need at this stage. Encourage us instead.
4.   It is not that I have been brainwashed by the “Miss Independent” ideology that is slowly eating my family values. By no means! I regard family and know professional achievement isn’t the greatest measure of success. As a matter of fact, I’d love to have my kids all grown and going to the countryside just to spend time with my parents…their grandparents. And I have names for them chosen already if/when God blesses us with them. And yes, I pray for them by name even when they are non-existent as at now.
5.   Oh, “ You have set such high bars which no one can attain, ooh, you are looking for perfection in an imperfect world, ooh, scale down just a little all men are the same” Sounds familiar? I have heard that countless times. Please, give us a break; I am happy you are married. You chose your spouse and I am sure you were convinced this is the man or woman I want to grow old with. You were not coerced by anyone. Same way, the partner I say yes to will be my own choice, you can’t decide for me whom I should or should not settle with. You can just advise and give counsel. Not telling me how high the standard has been set and how open minded I should be. Thank you.
6.   I will not marry or get married because the society expects that. I will not be married because my mother has been begging me that she now needs to see her grandchildren. I will be married when I meet the person who by all means “marries” into my mission and calling for life. Eventually, it is me who will live with that man or woman in our house, you will be nowhere to be seen after eating the cake and we make our first dance as a couple. Or would you? Let me take time so when I finally ask to introduce him to you, I have sought the Lord and I have His peace that now, this is him. Not to suggest that he /she is an angel, of course there is point of compromise but not compromising on the core values of my faith as a Christian. I know that I am into ministry and by all means will have that as a key compatibility checklist before I say yes. (and before you poke me here, ministry is diverse so I am not insinuating a pastor but who knows…) Basically, settling with someone whom your visions marry at some point.

Now to the late twenties and 30+…

You have attended and keep attending friend’s weddings and engagements but seemingly, no one has had that eye on you! How long do you hang on? Will you just hold on just a little and then decide to waste your life by making a desperate choice?
Maybe you’ve prayed and fasted about the significant other and now you are asking “How long Lord must I wait?” but God is softly whispering to your ears, “Never mind child, just trust in me.”

Though waiting silently is often the hardest things of all, it is concerning these emotions that we feel most deeply that we ought to be silent until we have thoroughly talked it over with God. He wants you to wait on him. Love sickness may seem a small thing compared to other sicknesses but yes, one who is sick with love is sick indeed and our Father understands that all too well.
Refuse self-pity and accept where you are. Trust God, and live your life to the fullest; Like today was your last. Serve the Lord, serve humanity and next time we will blogging about your wedding and how God connected you with your rib.

Love

Sisters keeper!

What a Christian woman wants in a guy…Not things; One Thing

A Christian lady wants a man who zealously loves the Lord. A man who knows that a woman is a treasure, favor from God. A guy totally sold out for Jesus and lets the single Christian girl know that he is not afraid of big commitments; That sometimes, he is never sure about being a “good future husband or father “but is confident that with the help of God, they can work things together. A man who is on fire for God; who together with the girl will fuel their flame and become a potent fire for God and warm the lives and hearts of other people

 "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives a favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22).  

I hear some men saying how they are looking to find the Proverbs 31 woman. “Hey, wait a second bro.” My biggest question has been, as you seek for her, have you considered if you are the Proverbs 31 Husband like? We are told that;

 ¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain. 

Dictionary meaning of trust is reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. For a heart of a husband to trust a woman, there has to be such a deep love shared. You trust that she will bring you no harm because you love her truly. When he trusts her, he tells her everything and gets real with her. He is honest with her and trusts her with his vulnerability. There are no hidden skeletons that will be awakened from the closet later on.

When we trust someone, we believe that we can tell them anything but we are sure no matter how bad it gets, they got us.  Love is one solid character that every woman wants or rather hopes to find in a man. And only a man who loves the Lord so and understands that His love is meant to bring a little heaven in his family as in Ephesians 5:22-24…Showering his woman with love as Christ loves the church can. To love absolutely, shield, protect and nurture. Only a man who is spiritual and manly at the same time can be able to do this. Adores his wife like a treasure and ruby she is and like David also be a man after God's own heart (Acts 13:22).

I am not going to write 5 key things that Christian ladies look for in a man coz honestly, all she wants is a man who loves the Lord and will help her love the Lord Jesus the more. If it’s the Tall dark and Handsome Cliché’, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and my personal preference which by all means beside loving God is a sense of responsibility and  charming intelligence, every other woman has their wish list which is very different.

Someone sent me a message I thought was hilarious and said “maze,venye wewe hukuwa,maboys wengi hapa church hukuogopea tu mbali (The way you carry yourself , a lot of brothers in church fear you from a far). I laughed and thought; maybe it’s a good thing coz most definite, the man who is intimidated by who I am is the last person I’d be attracted to.  But I will make it easy for you here brothers, especially the shy ones…

If you really like a girl who is mature in faith and don’t know how to start… begin with friendship, just to get to know her a little, what she does, what she likes, her passions etc. If she is equally into you, her response will tell it within no time. Be very careful though on the questions you ask? I for one am sick of those who have hardly gotten to know your second name asking intimate questions that leave you sorry that you are in this generation. “How far have you gone in your previous relationships? I mean how close were you ?” Dude, like seriously, why are you even asking this question on our first conversation? And, you expect this chat to continue and well for that matter. Some things are very personal and you only get to talk about them when you are on another level altogether. It’s a deal breaker and the first flashing red light that will jeopardize every chance of something coming up. Let’s talk about your dreams, goals, fears and how I can or cannot fit into your vision. Let’s talk about possible hike at Mt Longonot, even football, pthow not how far do you think is too far in dating? Boundaries will be set when you and I are something else, not now when you don’t even know that I secretly love crunching my crisps in bed while catching a favorite movie or I love to squish ripe banana and honey for my homemade facial …Eaaasy man.

Then ask her out for a proper date…Truth is, most Christian ladies have stayed for way too long without being taken for a proper date and believe you me, she will be more than happy to dress up in that cute black dress and join you for the date. Free food is a good incentive; like really who doesn’t like food and plus, she will be happy to get to know you some more. Reason being, it takes a proper sound judgment for her to really accept to go on a date. And if she does accept, then chances are you are winning already.

P/s: I am not talking about lipstick Christian ladies but mature ladies who have been grounded in the faith and walk the talk…

That’s it for now.

Sincerely,

Sisters’ Keeper!

 

It’s okay to cry dear…

Someone broke your heart, they got cold. The love you shared grew cold and one day he/she was gone, never to be seen again. Life used to be so beautiful; full of dreams and possibilities. Dreams with a happy ending as you envisioned the two of you reminiscing youthful jokes at ninety. For long hours you stayed building up your dream on the artistic table. You drew your hopes and stories you hoped you could tell to posterity, perhaps even friends. Inspire one or two people and hopefully make the world a better place. With that person, you were a dreamer and believed yours will pass the test of time. But how wrong, and how quickly dreams get shattered. He/She left, even without goodbye or maybe there was even a goodbye.

Unfortunate for you, you had dived in too deep and the shattered dream came like a hurricane. You were unprepared for no one really prepares for a heart break. It just happens. He/She left, and so took your life. You imagined telling of stories but never anticipated yours ending like this. But life happens, and sometimes pain is one of those things we have to deal with.

He/She moved on. Its months but it still hurts you; sometimes. A simple memory drives you down the lane, and your world breaks down again. You cry, you want to reach out but fear holds you back, because you know that it will hurt even more to know that he moved on. Sometimes you want to hate them, but you realize love and hate can’t co-exist. One has to give way for the other, and your heart still clings to that love that hurts, love that is unreturned, and love that breaks you to a thousand tiny pieces.

Those days, you cry. Its many months or even years but a smell of his cologne or her perfume on another awakens the memory and you can’t help but shed a tear or two. On those lonely nights when you really need him/her but he is no longer the person you knew. The loneliness hurts and you want to seek attention from anyone, any girl or any man within their reach, even just for a simple hug and a reminder that you are awesome.

Healing takes time. Sometimes years; sometimes months. It’s okay to relapse sometimes and cry when it hurts. Its human and we are all different. Cry, talk out, scream to the world or your journal like I did here http://lizzieadisawrites.blogspot.co.ke/2017/02/letter-to-my-almost-lover-that-never-was.html sometime back and just do something different. It helps. No matter the intensity of the pain, it always gets better with time.

I am listening to the song by Jenkins, part of the Lyrics says:

“My God is awesome, Heals me when I am broken,

Strength where I’ve been weakened, praise His holy name”

You are not alone in that pain but it shall be well