Single, Saved but Wanting the “Forbidden Apple” ...

Now, I struggled writing this response shared with someone after a key question arose on my writings. I struggled because; this is one sensitive area to talk on and probably a taboo in an African culture. Secondly, it’s a volatile subject and we easily condemn, judge harshly and declare any single person who admits to desiring sex a purgatory tenant. Because admonition is best understood through sharing our lives I will begin by saying this.

 In the quest of honoring God, sometimes my physical drives stood so strong. Other times I despaired. In a sex-saturated culture, intense battle for purity-not about virginity because anyone can make a resolve for it- seemed impossible. Many times, the battle against temptation seemed in vain. It was a constant reminder that honestly, there is nothing good in me apart from the Lord. It brought an end to self and hopefully absolute-(not yet there) reliance on Him (Psalms 16:2). I experienced a vulnerability that drains self-pride because I cannot boast in my own strength, it is God who sustains and without His grace, I would lose the battle terribly. 

If you have never reached a point in life where you beat your cushion, question your pursuit, cry out in distress; perhaps even scream when the carnal man seemed too strong for your will to fight yet another day, then you are probably super-special.

So, a friend X in a conversation asked and I quote:

 ” I love reading the write ups on Tripple S. It is such a timely piece. The inspiration and encouragement drawn in there is amazing. I love the Lord; I truly desire to honor Him with my total self, (body, mind, spirit). Sometimes though, I really want to get down so desperately and the temptation is so real. On those moments, being with my boyfriend around is not such a good idea. I feel vulnerable and just want it. How best do we deal with this especially when you have intentionally chosen to honor God? Is it okay that I am thinking about sex so much?”

My response

First, I need us to understand that the sexual desire of the unmarried person is good. It is holy, and is part of the shining creation of the image of God. It is not something to be ashamed of. (1 Corinthians 7:9). It’s normal to have sexual desires which eventually propel you towards marriage, which God by all means endorses. Many are quick to quote to the unmarried the above verse, advising them to marry instead of burning with passion but I will not suggest that. Why, because it takes more than cooling the ‘burning’ for marriage to work.  ‘Burning’ in itself is a legitimate sexual desire among the unmarried but not necessarily a prelude to eventual marriage.

 In this article http://lizzieadisawrites.blogspot.co.ke/2017/08/celibacythe-struggle-is-real.html, I shared about the unique challenges on the celibacy path and the glory therein. That, choosing to honor God with the wait is both an opportunity for sanctification and sharing in Christ’s suffering.It is no sin to think about sex. Neither is the sexual drive something to be ashamed of. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth…and everything that God created was good. Sex being a part of God’s creation is definitely a good thing that He intended to be enjoyed in the confines of the institution of marriage. Genesis 1:27-28 says:

 “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, both male and female, He created them. God blessed them and said to them,” Be fruitful and increase in numbers and fill the earth and subdue it."

Sex is to be enjoyed and full of pleasure among the married couple who are male and female. Proverbs 5:18-19 charges the married man:   ” May your fountains be blessed and may you rejoice at the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer-may her breasts satisfy you always, may you be captivated by her love”. This is how wonderful it is supposed to feel.

When the urges threaten to break you apart, transfer that desire to Christ. Tell Him, “This is how it is but Lord Jesus, my greatest desire is for You.”

• ·         Pray that God will multiply His grace for the season. Ask him to give you a heart that will long for Him more than anything else. Like the Psalmist writes (Psalms 42:1), as the deer pants for the waters…so your soul should long for Him. Listen to songs and be encouraged that to added afflictions, He addeth His Mercy, to multiplied trials, His multiplied peace https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o63If7p-Z6E … His love has no limit at all. (Romans 8:38-39)
• ·         Be careful of what you feed your mind on and avoid unnecessary stimulation. You see, I once shared on the series about the charge to daughters of Zion not to awaken love until its time http://lizzieadisawrites.blogspot.co.ke/2017/07/do-not-awaken-love-until-it-so-pleases.html . The movies, series, video games featuring seductive female looking characters, books and music we choose can sometimes stir that stimulation. Be intentional about avoiding them. Make a covenant with your eyes to turn away from worthless things as Job did (Job 31:11). It saves you a lot of trouble as an unmarried person. The sad reality is that we belong to a culture where even hardy and robust automobile  tyres that traverse the rough terrain of Africa are advertised by a semi-clothed ‘yellow-thighed female’ in the name of sexual appeal. It’s everywhere.
• ·         Solitude is good for reflection but don’t spend too much time alone. Be in fellowship with others. Share and encourage each other. Be accountable to someone else. Speak out your troubles. Keeping to yourself will only make you think that the struggle is just unique to yourself. A healthy fellowship with trust and openness will show you that you are not alone. You will draw strength from others who have walked that path. You will appreciate that no temptation has seized you except that which is common to man and God is faithful. He provides an escape from the temptation. Temptation is not wrong or sinful but rather yielding to this sexual temptation is what is sinful (1 Corinthians 10:13).
• ·         Stay busy. Strive by all means to be found doing something. The As the old saying goes an idle mind gives the devil a free playground. Work. Serve in church, ministry. Go to school. Do business. Visit others. Go for missions. Whatever. But just don’t be idle. It is difficult for sexual temptation to gain foothold when you are busy accomplishing other tasks. Choose to be involved in activities and events that have virtue. Is it just? Is it right? Is it pure? Is it lovely? Is it noble? Is it of good report? If it is, then pursue it (Philippians 4:8).
• Finally, Grace.

¹¹ For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, ¹² teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, ¹³ looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ,(Titus 2:11)

P/S: Feel free to share your thoughts for the body of Christ to be edified.

Yours Truly,

Sisters’ Keeper

#Triple S 117