Dating a younger man,Should age matter?

I couldn’t do this write up for obvious reasons that someone might think I am speaking about them. I asked a friend to do it for me instead.  What is the fuss about dating a younger guy? Based on my experiences, I would have taken a totally different stand altogether. So he looks me in the eye and says, Babe, Falling for you was like taking an afternoon nap. I had promised myself that it will just be a brief sleep with one coffee we had but as soon as I fell, I was dreaming.  I know I’m not supposed to love you. I’m not supposed to care, living my life wishing you were here. I am not supposed to wonder where you are and what you are up to. But I can’t help it. I fell in love with you.” Sweet words, heart melting but still, it were a no. Was it because of age? 30 % yes and 70% No. why? There is more to saying yes to a proposal than just age. Anyway, my good friend Stella Rop shares some interesting thoughts on the subject here for triple S Series

“A

ge ain’t nothin’but a number...” an old song I used to like goes.

But is it?

I don’t know why it is that most of us ladies hope to end up with an older man. Perhaps we imagine the extra years on this earth will have helped him gain some wisdom (not a bad thing!) or ‘get serious’ with his life and career so that he can be that Provider when the time comes for us to say ‘I do’. 

So here comes a chap you well know is younger than you, chasing you, calling you, looking for excuses to meet with you and hinting at a courtship and you’re asking yourself, “Haka kako serious lakini?!”  (Is this little one even serious?) He could be two or three or even five years younger than you. Maybe his older siblings were your classmates in school and you fear being labelled a ‘cradle snatcher’. Maybe your over-active imagination has already shown you a future where, when he is fifty, people will be mistaking you for his mother! Maybe you keep telling him things like “You remind me of my little brother” or even “Why don’t you find someone your own age to disturb?” in a bid to discourage him. Perhaps you and your girlfriends have enjoyed endless rounds of laughter making fun of this young man, even though you’re secretly flattered by his interest. But why dismiss someone because of his age? 

The primary thing to look out for is a man who is walking with the Lord- and remember God can save one at age 8, 28 or 88. Salvation is not like the KCSE exam, which can only be done in Form Four! Supposing the younger man pursuing you is already walking with the Lord and growing in his faith, bearing visible fruits of this relationship with God, then ask yourself the following questions:

1. Is he mature?

Maturity is not a direct result of age. There are young, mature people out there, just as there are older, immature people. Look at his speech, his thoughts, the people he associates with and the way he lives his life. Does he have direction in his life? Is he ready and able to bring someone else into his life? Before you dismiss him so fast, realize that he may have a thing or two to teach you. After all, though wisdom increases with age, it is not necessarily withheld from the young: If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. (James 1:5)

2. Are we pursuing the same things in life?

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?  (Amos 3:3)

This is a far more important question to answer than someone’s age. You hear of many couples who break up saying, “We drifted apart” or “We don’t want the same things any more,” which means each was pulling in the opposite direction. If the two of you generally have goals for your lives that align, your relationship stands a far better chance of surviving and thriving.   

3. Can we be friends?

Of course, you cannot marry your enemy! Any good relationship is built on the foundation of friendship. Sister, if this young man shows some promise in the ‘potential mate’ department, why not give him a chance? You may not agree to date him straight away but you could start by becoming his friend. Take the chance to get to know him in a non-romantic way, and you will learn a lot about him. It’s always refreshing to hang out with someone who has a different perspective of life from yours. Get to know his inner circle of friends, his hobbies and so on, as he learns the same about you. You could end up gaining a friend— and mate—for life, or on the other hand you could discover the two of you are about as compatible as oil and water. Either way, you won’t have wasted your time.

We ask God to give us good spouses, and indeed He does, because He is the provider of every good gift (James 1:17). However, we cannot dictate the terms and conditions of these gifts, because our Father gives us what He knows is best for us. Before you dismiss him, look twice at that younger man. Are you shying away from him because it is ungodly, or are you worried about what people will think? Reflect on that and remember, Watasema sana, lakini usiku watalala.”

Piece by Stella Rop,

For Tripple S 120