Money Matters 101; He is broke…so what?

My good male friend was left. He was heartbroken and left for a loaded brother. The sister in question told her girlfriend, ”The nigga he broke, know wah’m sayin’”. She left him quietly, like we do at times, shying off, and when asked what’s up…it is always “Nothing. I am fine.” And when he insists you don’t look fine, you shoot back “Then don’t look”. He couldn’t afford to take her for the vacations she dreamt of and when one who could came knocking at the opportune time, she flew. His heart was broken. And so, today we talk about Money (manenos) Matters, specifically— when your boyfriend is broke. Are we blowing his brokeness out of proportion? Does money equals happiness? 

Well, I begin by saying this, money is good. It feels nice to have something little or big in your account so that you can at least meet a few of your needs without having to make a desperate call for help. That you can meet an old friend somewhere for a meal and foot the bill, instead of being the recipient all the time feels good. I understand.

Living in a single room for almost 4 years after campus in a kitongoji duni, as I did, was not thrilling. I was jobless, not because you can’t perform but rather you have made dozens of applications with no positive feedback and got tired. It happens. You try all kinds of small-scale entrepreneurship, forcing people to buy your products and end up looking at gallons of home-made soap in a jerry can that has no market yet. Your Degree is lying in your suitcase and looking for a job is now your full-time job. 

You see, at the time, in that single room the  mattress down there that I called my bed and chair as I did online writing with the wall supporting my back, and of course the brains God gave me, was all I had. I would turn and see all my belongings that could easily be put in a sack and that was just it. In one corner lay my batch of utensils and a small sufuria hanging above the gas cylinder. My small suitcase of clothes rested in another corner not far from the jiko, where a terrible accident almost saw a cup of black tea staining my Sunday-best lacy white dress.  Those were the times I wouldn’t want a friend to visit because I wasn’t sure what they would think of my living situation or where they would sit. Not to mention that whenever one came by, I really prayed that the neighbor’s kids or the drunken neighbor wouldn’t mess the toilet. I dreaded the moment the visiting friend would ask to be directed there with a pail of water. Actually, I would restrain myself from serving them liquids so that chances of visiting the loo would be slim.

In those years, one of my biggest prayers and request to God was to one day get a place with my own washroom.  See, I was tired of waking up and having to wait because the tiniest squeak of the door would send the residents of the entire plot scampering with their basins of water towards the wooden door cubicle to freshen up. Woe unto you when either  of them decided to flood—  you would be torn  between cleaning  the bathroom before having your bath or getting a ‘passport ‘ (French bath) because if you got late you would miss the cheapest bus to town.

So, what I am saying is this. I know what it feels to be on the brink of hopelessness but there is need to be realistic when dealing with your partner or potential spouse/date.  Being broke doesn’t necessarily mean the brother is lazy or not trying hard enough. For 4 years, my email was full of applications and regrets and failed businesses but I was not sitting on my butt doing nothing. Trust me, I tried. I would cry relentlessly too when a door I thought had been opened slammed shut on my face. I kept trying, I still do, not despairing until something eventually came up. Being broke is a temporary thing and 3 years from now, that man will not be where he is today. Give that broke boyfriend a chance and work out your future together.

Mistake is, we want ready-made man and any such man has been made what he is by a woman somewhere. As you are busy admiring and thinking of what  a  ‘Chilobae’ that man is, there is a woman who every Saturday arranges all his clothes and shirts with matching ties and makes sure she coordinates his colors in the morning before he leaves for work. You see him smiling and speaking and go gaga at how great he is. Lady, there is a woman behind that elegance. You know why, because we both know that guys hardly differentiate between their blue, navy blue and black socks; a ‘she’ somewhere is behind that and you need to remember it.

Again, I am not saying that you should settle for someone who is broke and has no vision. There is someone who is broke but whose potential you can clearly see. Work it out with him and it’s only a matter of time before he makes it. However, if he can’t take care of himself— at least in terms of the basics needs—settling for marriage may be a bit difficult but either way, it’s a two-way agreement. My thinking is, he should be able to take care of you even in the simplest way possible. You see its okay to want a cool Toyota V8 but all those people who genuinely drive them began somewhere. It’s okay to start with a Toyota Spacio or just use public transport for a few years with that fiancé or boyfriend and then get your Harrier/Lexus later with that man. It’s okay to begin life with him in Donholm even if your big dream is to have a garden and a backyard in Kajiado at Optivens’ Victory Garden where you can grow purple hibiscus. 

Money comes and goes. Money doesn’t guarantee happiness.

The sweetest money is that which you have worked for. His today doesn’t reflect his tomorrow. He may be broke but the exact person you need. Take that coffee at River Road and don’t rush for the opulence of Villa Rosa Kempinski. Eat that ice cream as you lie lazily at Uhuru Park and stop wanting him to rob a bank to take you to Zanzibar. If the only rose he can access is the wild bush hibiscus, don’t look at him like ‘Where are the damn roses?’ Understand him, love him, walk with him, build each other up and build your empire together.

The Swahili experts say “Usione vyaelea,vimeundwa”(If you see something good, someone has worked to realize it)…It takes time to create anything great and creating is a process.

The truth is, we may be chasing for money and miss the things you can get for free, love, peace and joy.

Listen, you just never know.

Truly,

Sisters’ Keeper