Celibacy…the struggle is real

Born again or not, single or married, the sexual drive forms an intrinsic part of our life we have to deal with— in the right way.

Sex is perhaps one of the most fascinating aspects of human gratification. So powerful is it that when indulged in outside of the correct healthy confines, it can impair our judgment and cause us to make decisions detrimental to ourselves. Today, the wild drive for sexual gratification has wrecked marriages, toppled empires, scuttled political careers, and squandered untold fortunes. 

Celibacy isn’t just about sex and the wait. However, sex is integral to the package that encompasses the holistic and total living for God in every season. We live in a generation where sex is engrained in every aspect of life; A society where the Fifty Shades of Grey series has sold millions of copies and the corresponding movies raked in way over a million dollars in the Box office. Music in a matatu is no exception because all we see is nakedness and erotic videos while dancers are bending over…It is no longer strange to hear people publicly declare that they are into threesomes or love highend strip casinos. What is strange is you, trying to advocate for waiting and championing celibacy.

As singles, we have heard over and over again the need to pursue purity (sexual purity) but no one ever tells us how to deal with the sex drive. Worse still is the presupposition that women mostly suffer emotionally but hardly struggle physically; that physical sexual urges are a struggle for the boy child alone. 

The celibate way of life is not easy. What makes it more painful is the confusion around it. How do you let your entire system get that it will not receive that sexual need yet as sexual beings our bodies are wired to want and be gratified sexually?  It’s perplexing; a thought that brings us to that vulnerable point when it gets difficult to trust God. To trust that He gave us those urges but also trust that we aren’t missing out. Sadly, in some seasons, cocooned in that dark and frightening place of uncertainty about what to do with the emotions welling inside – I and others I speak for feel forgotten by God. We feel betrayed, in a way, but mostly confused.

You see, when we suffer hunger pangs, we often reach out for food,- even unconsciously. Jesus asks us to pray for our daily bread too in the Lord’s Prayer. But with celibacy, God is kinda teaching me to be conscious of the hunger and know that for now, I can’t reach out for that food as I would some grapes in the fridge when my stomach growls. It is painful when you know that some days you will wake up hungry but the Father says, daughter, even today, there is no daily bread for this hunger yet. That whenever I am hungry for this food, He wants me not to go out and reach for the food but trust Him for either food later or even still, no food at all. He reminds me that it’s a narrow path full of uncertainty but hope affirmed through faith. That actually, He doesn’t guarantee that this hunger will ever be satisfied. He just wants trust.  Trust me I understand you. I understand that there is some pain in watching your friends be fed with the very thing you feel like you need the most.  There is agonizing pain in waking up each day with the knowledge that today there will be no daily bread for this hunger; sitting, feeling as though you are starving to death. Sometimes, you listen to your married friends explain how eating is overrated but deep down you know they don’t get it.

I have learnt through the process, I still am, that sexual integrity for us is a wonderful experience of both sanctification and suffering. We share in Christ’s suffering by saying no to the norms of the world. “I want to know Christ--yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death”, Philippians 3:10. This is my 2017 theme by the way, “that I may know Him more and the power of His resurrection”.

It is a sanctification experience because as we battle to put to death sin and to live wholly for Christ, we learn to entrust Him with every aspect of our lives. We get totally sold out and in essence grow to be like Him. (1 Pet. 1:6–9.) It is equally suffering, since we are resisting the alluring desire of sin and temptation, a resistance our body doesn’t quite understand. We accept to be mocked for Him and also to be misunderstood for His sake. However, we rejoice in the fact that it is a trial common to all and an inevitable reality of living in a fallen world. (1 Cor. 10:13–14.)

Is it possible then to control our sexual desires?

Well, the standard has been set. “But among you must not be even a hint of sexual immorality or of any kind of impurity … because these are improper for God's holy people (Eph. 5:3). But again, as long as we have a sinful nature, we'll continue to struggle with sin. It will always pop up, single or otherwise. And that's why we need a Savior. Society tells us that we are incomplete without a partner. They tell us that sex outside marriage is a norm; that it’s biological and restraining from it is damaging. End result: singles feel odd to be celibate.

The church too manures singles’ confusion on celibacy. How? Sexual temptation can’t be resisted, so they say marry and don’t burn with passion. Equally, get married for you to be happy and if you are called to be celibate, God will remove your romantic desires. End product: a single feels like a failure for not having a spouse or the gift of celibacy, thanks to the unending, fleshly roller-coaster.

I know it is hard being single and celibate darling. But you can count on God's grace to help you develop self-control and self-discipline to resist or avoid temptation. Let’s ask Him to help us. "We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin" (Heb. 4:15-16).

P/s: What have you found hardest about living a single life? How have you learned to live it well if you have? Drop me an email at adisawriteupsexplore@gmail.com

 

I’d love to hear your stories as I gain courage to share mine!

Much love

Sisters’ Keeper!

#TrippleS113