On chatting Hook-ups, Break-ups and Check-ups … Say No Honorably

For an unmarried person, hook-ups is one subject that remains noteworthy. Men are visual beings, they are attracted first to what they see and this explains why you may end up having several guys ‘hitting’ on you every other time. Sometimes it is the wrong kind of men; I mean married ones, non God fearing ones, and other times it could be those in the household of faith.

So, now you are here and that wrong guy has been sending vibes but you are already certain that you are not walking down that lane, how you tell them off. He is a married man as you later find out or he is just a brother in the Lord but after a few interactions you realize that despite him being amazingly great, your mission doesn’t seem to interweave with his vision?

You see, a man may be a lover of God and by all means good but that doesn’t imply that you two can be equally yoked. In as much as relationship with God is the core factor, you enter his life to be a helper towards that vision that you can somehow fit into. You are deeply convicted that you want to serve God as a missionary in Somali for instance and this brother or sister is okay being a banker at CBK and doesn’t really see himself anywhere in Mogadishu unless it’s a vacation and both you and I know that no one packs their bag to go to Mogadishu for a holiday unless it is home that you are going to. 

See, you don’t hate this brother or sister but what really makes your relationship strenuous is the fact that you do not have a common vision that you can help each other towards in the course of life. So how then do you turn him down but still not make him feel that he aint good enough for you? Create time, listen to him, he also has a heart and probably that brother was/is genuinely in love. Be nice and grateful that he has love for you in his heart; tell him that it’s unfortunate that you are not able to return that kind of love to him. I know you may be tempted to act irrationally, cold and harsh especially when you found out something amiss like the case of him dragging you along before you realize he is married.

In saying no honorably, the fellowship especially with the brother in the household of faith will not be strained. By making them understand why you say no will make it easy for them to let go. It’s respectful for both sides to end things amicably and hurts less. Sisters, be nice even in saying No and ask God for grace to bear with the other party in love.

Breakup sucks. As someone says, in all the cases, you are either the windshield or the fly and when you are the fly, it breaks you completely. But sometimes, when you are the one initiating, you are the windshield and someone who happens to be the fly is left utterly shattered.  When you are the fly, cry, cry and vent out to people that care. Pray for God to heal you, let go the other party and allow not anger and bitterness to sap your life.  Forgive. Accept apologies that you never got and forgive. Forgiveness frees you. Find strength in God. Take all the tiny pieces to the potter, and ask Him to mend your broken pieces, to break you down and make a whole beautiful she. When you are the windshield, pray for God’s wisdom to break up in a smooth transition, wisdom for what to say and how to say in a closure meeting; even pray together if you can and release him in peace,don’t crush a brother and be a stumbling block for ministry or body of Christ. Pray for his peace too even after releasing him in a kind way.  That God will heal them. 

Now, I know you loved him so much, but you were the fly and the receiving end is often not glamorous. In the midst of letting reality sink, his life is moving on, and seemingly paradise while you continue to dine at the horrifying gate of hell. Sometimes the temptation to reach out is real. He still is your friend in all the social media pages and frequently or maybe occasionally you find yourself checking up on his profile…Red flag, he is living his life and as Ed Sheeran sings “ Happier” indeed his profile says he looks happier without you.  What an injustice you do to yourself here, please, do not check-up on your ex. I know it hurts sometimes but you have to block them if you have to for that healing to come, snooping only triggers memories that will put you at the drawing board. When you are vulnerable and want to snoop, talk to your accountability partner and above all pray for strength from God to pass through valley.

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From my heart to Yours,

Sisters' Keeper.