Dating with a purpose… & of Confusion of Intentionality

You see, two people coming together is a beautiful thing, but so is one person standing boldly in their purpose. So I throw this question, single or not, what is your purpose? What really drives you in everyday life?  Asking this question is very important for a purposeful dating...

Some years back, I remember having a conversation that went something like this,

Me: Hey, guess what, I met a guy!😍😍😍

My best friend,: oooh,oooh, finally; I am coming over, I just need to kinda hear it as you say girl😉😉😉( I was super thrilled about him and my friend thought that he must be a “kill”; an alpha male kind.

Fast-forward, few weeks later and my friends ask how the supposed boyfriend is.

Me: boyfriend?…just never mind😏😏😏

What this says is that I said yes to the man without really thinking about my purpose in life is. The trouble we are bound to make at times is settling because it looks cool to the detriment of your life long “mission”. Knowing what is vital for your life helps you to narrow down dating into a particular person who agrees to some degree with your life purpose and along the way you are able to be that helper as you both serve the Lord as a couple. Basically, he has a fire for God on a particular area of service, and you come on board to be a fuel to ignite that spark because you are carriers of analogous visions and together you become a raging fire for God in that particular area of calling. You see, if they aren’t rooted in Christ, dating them won’t change the person they are.  As such purposeful dating ensures that they love God before you commit to that relationship.

I have had from many ladies especially about a scenario where there was brother in the Lord who one day acts like you are the whole world to them but at other times you wonder if you are reading from the same script. The usual cry is the confusion of the uncertainty on whether they are interested or not.  Sad as it is, singles center on the confusion of intentionality and it makes the whole dating thing very difficult. Why? Because we are cultured to think it is all right to date with self-centered intent—without purpose, with no plan, and of course without deliberate acknowledgement and respect for the other person’s feelings, heart and emotions.

The culture today doesn’t help as it makes dating such a casual thing in a way that “ Oh, its Friday and I don’t have a plan, can we go down the movies, grab some coffee kind of thing”. This dating with selfish intent just to have a plan for the long weekend is what we need to shun as Christians. Dating because we feel lonely and crave connection with someone is wrong but rather should be a stepping stone towards a goal which is ultimately marriage.

So how then do we safeguard ourselves and others?

Paul writes to Young Timothy in the First letter 5:1-2 exhorting us to treat older men as fathers, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity and members of the opposite sex as brothers and sisters in Christ. We treat them all equally; but when dating someone, then you have to treat then especially different for them to know that they are not just a sister or brother in the Lord but someone worth pursuing destiny together. That they are special and you value the person uniquely and aren’t unwilling to make your stand known.

•   Discover yourself first. Learn things about you and define your purpose for life. This will help you to know what you want.
•   On dating, take the pressure to rush things. You see the way they say a ladies mind can in two minutes rush from the coffee, to engagement, wedding and matrimony, boot out that pressure. Focus on nurturing friendships and getting to know people first.
•  For brothers, a huge step would be to define the relationship beforehand and leave no room for confusion.

I will end by saying this. “Dating without a purpose is like simply practicing for a divorce.”

Love,

Sisters’ Keeper.
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