INSECURITY
“Then
he said ”May you be blessed of the lord my daughter. You have shown your last
kindness to be better than the first by not going after young men whether poor
or rich. Now my daughter, do not fear, i will give to you whatever you ask, for
all the people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence” Ruth 3:10-11
Ruth
being single, young and widowed definitely must have had experiences of
longings for the warmth of a husband especially after having gone through that kind of
fellowship before. Despite her circumstances, she chose to live in victory over
the desire to hunt for a man and instead of going for the boys; she sat still
and let God bring her prince to her. A lady in waiting she was and a lady of
security indeed.
I
have had a friend who had stayed for long in singlehood but finally got married
at the age of 34years. It is not easy for such girls/ladies especially in a
society where some people are experts in counting for you your biological
clock! I am passionate about counseling and it has driven me to dig deeper in
books and from people about ladies and singleness.
The
big question that perhaps will feature in this series recurring is …why is
it that most women experience difficulty being still and waiting for the man to
come over and initiate things? And the answer is INSECURITY…
An
insecure woman has her world centered on something which in most cases is
marriage or something which is getting that Mr Right that can be lost or taken
away. Truth is insecurity keeps a woman from enjoying the consistent joy even
within a relationship context because a man cannot provide security; only God
can. And it’s for this reason that Tripple S…Single, Saved & Secure Series
is going to run. I have been insecure many times, forcing myself to call and
get attention from guys I felt were the ones’ but I it only made it worse. You
hold your phone and find excuse as to why they haven’t returned your email, you
try to justify their behavior and lack of interest therein and you pump up
yourself, get that airtime and call only for them to pour mockery on your face
with the "will call you back" and that is the end of the story. They never
do and you feel so bad about yourself. So I know what am talking about...it
robs one of joy completely.
What
insecurity does is cause you to cling into a relationship that aint even
working because it makes you feel less confident without that man or woman by
your side. When he is not with you, you live in fear that perhaps, he will not
come back home to you or call again. You want him to make a commitment so that
you can be sure of not losing him. You crave for all of his attention
forgetting that before you both came to the picture there were still others who
were already there like the family. Then all of a sudden, all your dreams,
desires, goals and vision revolve around him. Have a life darling, live like
today was your last so that if God forbid you die tomorrow, we can say that she
lived her life to the fullest. Don’t wait for a man to come around for you to live out
that dream, when he comes then you will know how each of you will fit into the
others dream.
Unfrotunately, it is such kind of insecurity that brings about jealousy that
makes you lose your confidence when he looks at another woman as old as your
grandma. You will want to know his plans and how he spends s every second of
his day and with whom he/she spends with. You don’t want him to be around other
equally attractive women because you feel threatened. Sadly, this is
what insecurity turns you to be like.
The
deepest of our longings as I shared before can never be satisfied by any
created thing. Only God can.
Insecurity
is a poison that fills the relationship with frustrations and worry and you
begin thinking that” You can’t live without him or her and so them, you start
making schemes of how you can keep him to yourself.
A
lady in waiting is a lady of security that knows that the one thing to do is to
turn and surrender the business of looking for a guy to God” We are told than
no good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly. Focus your
energies to obedience to Christ rather than trying out to nail the man on your
own. God has His own methods of bringing the two of you together. Be careful,
He doesn’t need your help or opinion on the same.
And
Like Elisabeth Elliot say, the most often questions you can ever be asked by
single ladies who have strong longing to be married always is
What
can I do to get him notice me? She says this
NOTHING.
Don’t do anything for the man, don’t call him, don’t write a little note with
smiley face or a flower or that crazy thing in your mind and hid it in his
cabinet or mailbox. Don’t slide up to him in the hallway and gasp” I’ve just
got to talk to you “ Don’t ignore him,
don’t pursue him, don’t do him favors that you can’t do to others and don’t
talk about him. Just DO NOTHING.
In
summing up on extending favors, just don’t do to a brother that which you can’t do
to a sister.
Learn
to sit still
Resting
in His will
Confident
to abide
With
Him by my side
Resisting
manipulation
Waiting
only for His stipulations (JMK) by becoming a lady of security
Thanks
to a book by Jackie Kendall & Debbie Jones
P/S: Stay put for the new series dabbed "Tripple S"...Single, Saved & Secure. Its gona be as real as they come and a moment of learning and sharing our unique experiences
Cheers,
Sisters' Keeper
Cheers,
Sisters' Keeper
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