Hope that transcends all odds...Thoughtful thursday 107

Hope in Christ doesnt disappoint

What if your healing is in the pain?
What if your blessing is in the rain?
There are days I wake up feeling so low and my spirit downcast,
Sometimes something beyond my comprehension holds me back
Weakness and sickness takes the center stage of my life

Sometimes God seems so far yet so near,
When His voice loud I wanna hear,
Sometimes I don’t get it why God lets me reach an end to me,
Where all I wanna do is give up on all things and cry all night

Sometimes staring at the balcony past midnight is my fight
Trying to appreciates the beauty of the moonlight
But then I wonder, what if, what if…
What if my healing is in the pain?
My blessing in the rain?

Sometimes walking on the stormy gale,
Picking up wild flowers and grass for my table vase
Sometimes I wonder if God really cares and in those silent moments
A still voice I hear…
I’ll leave you not, in my ears
Then I realize that even in my deepest woes
In His love my weary spirit rests…

So I dare lift my head up
And recite in my heart,
The tempest may beat up my mortal body,
But it will never take away my hope in Christ
So I hope, against all hope for my Redeemer Lives, His name is Jesus!

I wrote this a while back,during those seasons in the valley and I was being reminded to Hope against all hope even when the natural order says otherwise. That like our father in faith Abraham,even though he was old and beyond child bearing age,He believed God will give him a son and defy the natural order. That its sometimes important to travail the pains of the valley to appreciate the panorama from the mountain top.

Dear brothers in the Lord...I speak for my sisters

Dear brothers in the Lord or is it "Lord"?

Greetings from your sister of another mother. Or should I copy Paul the apostle in my salutation and say grace and peace be multiplied to you? It may be in order as I am a messenger of peace.I speak for my sisters.

Well, don't crucify me yet before you get through my grievances which certainly I will end up having a following for. I am a sad Christian single girl...well perhaps bitter about the generation of some breed of men who are sitting by some of us at the church pew. Yes, those ones that are walking in some kind of anointing and even the pastor is seemingly proud of as sons in the house. Yes, those ones that will never miss church, they are always attending church meetings, events. Launches, you can always be sure to find them. They are simple, not necessarily attractive but just " good" brothers in the church. Those ones that even when elderly ladies see you hang around get excited and begin inviting you over to their houses for a visit because they assume you might be courting and want to give you godly counsel. Some of this sing more melodiously than angels, others preach like they just descended from heaven for that task. They are loved, and praised and as such, many girls are easily lured their way.  I write to you my brothers as sister would to the brother from her mother’s womb. We are a family but I don't know where we missed the mark. We serve together in church, we are good friends, well at least we spend some time in the youth or church related events. We grow close, then too close and somehow, we agree to know each other beyond the pew. 

All I have ever known you is a man or should I use the term boy( coz that's what I eventually come face to face with) who shares fundamental beliefs of my faith. Then one day you visit and because you are a close friend by now, Sunday afternoon seems a great idea. You come, my little sister is around, and we have lunch together. Then my sister pops out to go and watch some game, she loves football and somehow we have a good time to just talk stuff. We agree tomorrow is Monday and you need to go so that I can prepare for the work week ahead. You don't seem so happy to leave and as you give me a hug and I hand you the jacket, some packs fall down." So you carry these things around everywhere you go?" Then an argument ensues.

Then he goes on to say " Yeah, am hoping to use it someday, actually I was hoping today was that day?

Mmmmh, really, so now what happened to our pledge? I ask eyes searching his?

" Well, I can never marry someone without getting to know what am going to settle for! "

" Ooh, I see. Now that you know exactly what you want, I bet I don't want to have this conversation, atleast not now and not here"  " You frustrate me much” was his last words.

That's how the goodbye went and out of the door he had walked living the pack of whatever that fell on my sitting area mat. That was the last time we had a sober conversation but we meet in church and serve.  Tell me dear brothers, those concerned, I dare you to tell me that I am too spiritual and hard because I won't get laid and still come to church and act like all is well. I understand all too well that we all struggle, and sometimes we can’t help it, things happen and there is grace too. Accidents/incidents happen and it’s not like we don’t get carried away. We do, and sometimes end up cosy, perhaps a few stolen kisses here and there, we are human; but when you have decided that it has to happen and actually planning on how and when, you can’t tell me it was accidental! That’s a fat lie, you fall and wake up, find grace but not wallow in the very sin, that’s not faith. I will quote Paul here, “Shall we then continue sinning because there is grace? By no means”. So, before you crucify me here, I was hoping that we would agree first of all that grace teaches us to say no to ungodliness and despite the grace being poured, it is not a ticket to sinning.  Now tell me that sex is one thing you just can't help wait to do with the right woman? Tell me again that it is a Precambrian era I am dragging you back to, that it is old school. Tell me that it’s impossible to put the goodies between your legs under lock and key for just a little less longer than you have lived? While you debate on giving the response, I want to ask a question to these ones too.

Yes, those ones that are perhaps genuine but end up discarding a sister like a door mat. Well behaved they are, they are just standard okay, maybe good looking too depending with the beholder. You bring a girl close, you guys share much, laugh together, send each other funny jokes on whatsup, text up, have longs calls, visit each other and so on. You both enjoy each other’s company very much. Then one day you decide that you will friend zone her because she is too good for you or whatever creepy reason you give; You friend zone yourself even when she has given subtle signs that you are more than a friend to her. You have made her get used to chatting up with you, catching films together and then one day, you just go off. No explanation given but somehow you have nothing to do with her, any attempts to find out what the heck happened is blown off, she asks herself questions, she cries and finally she accepts that it was just her illusions. My big question is why do you drag somebody’s child through all this mess and leave her loathing herself and ruining her esteem? She has wondered way too long what is wrong with her that made you just walk off?

I know what you are thinking now, that she shouldn't assume being close to her means I am interested in something more with her. Correct. I have heard that many times and I get it, unless a man clearly states what he wants, don't expect it. But I ask, why would you still message me, flirt with me and dutifully call me especially at night and lead me on when you know that's not where you are intending to go? Why? I am not even asking the men of the world. There's is a different case altogether. This are men who lead us in worship, they can even teach the word when the pastor is away in other missions. Just why  should you hurt sisters and still want to praise God? And you do this not to one sister, a string of them and all your defense is “I didn't ask either of them out”. Brother, I think you need deliverance actually, you can't keep hurting ladies who are so genuine with you and think all will be fine when five girls are going to bed with teary eyes crying to God to help them just find themselves again out of some man's web! It’s like inviting terror in in your own house by lighting a fire in the rooftop of a grass thatched hut. It will burn you.You are awakening a hurricane and all you have is a canoe,brother you will be swept off by the currents! I write to express grievance and hopefully find you to consider your leading on ladies is wrong; that ladies are emotional and with time, the attachment will be very difficult to break and consequently heal from. That hopefully, you will be careful on the words you message another sister and perhaps stop calling at those crazy hours leaving her with little less than fantasy as she drifts off. It is with love that I write to you. Love for you brothers and love for my fellow sisters.

Then this other ones who have been your friend, known when you broke up with your ex and the progress of your downhill and healing, you become too close. He knows almost everything about you; he is a typically good friend that you enjoy good conversation with. You think he is smart, funny, loves the Lord and just amazing to be around with. You hang out for coffees too, he used to bring you chocolates or ice cream those days you broke up with your ex and remind you that you will manage this. He has seen you on your worst and you didn't mind eating an entire box of pizza in front of him. Then one day he tells you that you are such an amazing girl, he is so lucky to be having a person like you in his life, its many years later and now you actually have been thinking that he is a pretty awesome company. Then one day, he tells you that he is met a girl, then they are engaged, and a wedding date is set. You wonder why he told you funny things and has chosen another for a bride. You swallow your pride and even help them to plan their wedding. On their ruracio , you rock your heels and wear the best smile you could summon. All things go well and your friend continues being friendly. Then he takes you for more coffees saying that soon he will be somebody else’s and it will be impossible to hang out as often. He does this more often than for his fiancé as you later realize. I think he even messages you a lot more that he does text her. You get alarmed and share your concerns with a friend, she warns you to keep off. And because you moved on, it's not a task of climbing Mt Everest.

He notices the careful but strategic move you took and then decides it doesn’t matter. Then he tells you that he loves you. That actually, he has loved you for a very long time and that you will always be special. You look at him like you just resurrected from the dead many centuries ago and want to take in everything that has changed with this 21^st century you just found yourself in.You are lost for words. He friend zoned you for starters and now he is there uttering this stupid but home wrecking statements. You even decide to have an acting boyfriend stage managed scenario to keep him off which he somehow buys into. Then you put him off and he thinks you are very inconsiderate "bitch" and you are not careful of how he feels.Deep down you realise he wants to hold you down as a special girl but also keep her main woman. Just how selfish is not mine to decide. I just know it is wrong. So now, I end up feeling sorry for the girl he is going to marry because of his uncertainty on what he wants. And I ask, do you sit to think through the words you want to say to a woman?

Well, what am trying to say, is before you drag a woman into your life, ask yourself why you are doing that and the implication of that ,if it’s not clear, just leave somebody’s girl alone to be found by him who has thought through and knows that it is her that he wants. And for some who enjoy the fun of hurting girls because you don't want to grow up, God is watching, sometimes I am tempted to pray for fire and brimstone to fall on some head then I remember I am a recipient of grace and so extend grace. Unfortunately, many brothers in fellowship still do this and it is so sickening.  I have lived for   twenty something years and the truth is, I know many girls who got tired of this drama and keep wondering if we have legit brothers in the house of the Lord. Surprisingly, the checklist some of these girls have is so basic; a man who loves the Lord...whose faith has been tried and tested. They too won't mind a financially endowed man but they prefer a financially responsible one, not necessarily rich but responsible with what he has. But where are they? And because most have gone through this shit with young " boys" , they just would rather be alone than drag full grown men who refuse to let go their mothers teets and be a grown. They are beyond games and only ask for a man’s loyalty and trust. Can you handle that or you just want to awaken love when it doesn't please and go to the next. Well, I am not saying all men are but truth is, you will know them by their fruits! You can't be an avocado and bear apples, can you? 

May the Lord help the sisters to carefully consider the plant and the fruits it brings fourth before diving in too deep and may he help our brothers to be careful with us... Phewks. Such a long post but worth it I suppose

Yours Truly,

The sisters’ Keeper

Disclaimer:

I ask all this hard questions for a sister. If it evokes wrong emotions, we are sorry and we ask that you forgive and bear with us. All I did was speak for a sister. As such, the write-ups anecdotes does not in any way  reflect the characters in real life of the author but a fictious  development capturing real life scenarios as narrated by a bunch of ladies.

N/B: Help us understand you and by all means be kind in your feedback...lol

Thoughtful Thursday 105...Who has Hurt You?

Who has hurt you? Who has upset you? Who has lied about you? Who has betrayed you? Just who?

How quickly can you make a list of people who have caused you so much pain? And who were these people who hurt you? Are they Family members? Is it your wife? Is it possibly your husband? Could it be that it is one of your parents? or your children? Or was it a person at work? Or a friend from church? Is it your boyfriend or fiancé?

Just how many friendships have been shattered because of their cruel words, lies or perhaps envy that left you feeling betrayed?

Well, I certainly didn’t want to write about this on this thoughtful Thursday sequel. I wanted to write about the Resurrection Power, the He who is the Resurrection and life but somehow, the Lord pushed me to write exactly how I felt this morning. Anger, Hurt, Betrayal, seething through every opening in my body and especially the physical outburst as saliva seethed outside the space between my gritted teeth.  I was hurt by family, someone close to me or so I thought, I told her things because I saw her as a friend. I forgave her about it but I have never forgotten. She hurt me real bad that I almost wished her death to get lost to hell, I felt so hurt that I even kept off knives deliberately far from me so that I could not be tempted otherwise. Her stupid uncalled for single phone call which I am not sure was out of jealousy or just evil intent brought double tragedy to an already bruised spirit. And from that one call, family relations of many years were completely estranged, never to be mend ever again. Today was a perfect day for revenge and I think I was excited about the opportunity. Not to “kill” as in end life in real sense but to just let them have a dose of their own medicine. I think that saying of what goes round comes round had finally unfolded in front my eyes and I wanted to see how the script will develop.

You see, I forgave a long time but I have never forgotten that betrayal. So I didn’t mind seeing how everything will play out. To be honest, I was looking forward to that, Then I was strongly rebuked in my spirit. To not repay evil for evil but rather repay good for evil. That I cannot carry the mentality of an eye for an eye and a tooth for another if I really want God to forgive me.  That actually, I need to forgive those who hurt me as the Lord forgives me. And I struggled. You see, when the Lord forgives, He forgets about it and as the psalmist writes
“As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalms 103:12 but when I forgive, I never forget that I was hurt. I battled with the Lord like would any carnal man when He reminded me in His Word to bless those who curse me…I was like, Lord I am not an angel for sure and that sometimes is ‘hard small’ ie ngumu kidogo. Then He reminded me that when you do good to someone who wronged you in a way you are piling coals of hot fire in their heads. But most of all, He reminded me to let him defend the justice of my cause.

To ^17 “Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. ¹⁹ Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. ²⁰ Therefore

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.’’ Romans 12:!7-21

So I ended up crying, then praying when I thought about Easter, that Christ Jesus laid down His life and now I am forgiven, redeemed and my sins atoned for. Then I asked the Lord God to teach me to forgive like He forgives us; To forget and remember no more.

Then like a wave on the see, a soft sweeping like feeling overcame me, like something heavy had been lifted off, and I prayed for the one who hurt me. I changed my mind and attitude.

#ForgiventoForgive

#Who’shurtingyou?

Happy Easter good people!

The Country Boy & Country Girl..

It was a lovely evening. The orange shimmer of the setting sun lighting the earth with such radiance.It was quiet and peaceful. Except for occasional mow of calves that were hyperactive threatening to purge and break the tier towards the mother cows which were being milked. Young children were stealthily maneuvering around the fence to their home as dusk beckoned. Having spent the entire afternoon playing in dirt, the hiding by the homesteads dense was a calculative strategy to watch and sneak home before mother notices and gives them a beating that will send them running for water and pail.

Being a warm summer, the flowers blossomed giving our village an aura of beautiful scent. That evening, I had gone with my friend Achie to pick wild flowers. We loved doing that and with artificial vase which was basically a container of solid cooking oil arrange our flowers with such affluence blending the colors that will leave us smiling with satisfaction. 

I trudged on the narrow path that led to my home. Clinging on my bouquet of wild flowers. I listened to the whistling of a white owl. Birds chirped melodiously from the tree branches overlaying the path. Home was beautiful and calm. Cowboys exhaustively led their flocks home, whistling and in soliloquy addressing their herds.

I was met with a few boys from the next village who said hello and went their way. We went to the same school. Then as I was about to turn to the last corner and enter our homestead, he appeared with his herd.

" Hello" he said holding his guarding stick by his armpit and extending the other hand to shake mine.

" Hello" I answered him.  He had been my friend for long. We talked a little bit and I bid to go. All the while, he didn't let go off my hand. He stared at the roses, smelled some and chose one purple flower. 

" These are beautiful, he said"." I know I smell the skin of goats but allow me to put this in your hair."

Though my hair was as tough and daft grass, he put it eventually and said I was beautiful. Kyle was his name. That evening, I stood with him for a long time. A young girl with a bunch of wildflowers still oozing drops of liquid from the unconventionally cut stalk; a young cowboy, his guard of milk, stick and his ever present companion. A dog, whom he called "Fox". He told me that his heart beats with mine and that night, under the witness of the galaxy, we kissed even when we didn't know what that was. We had only seen that in the rich neighbor's TV when we once sneaked but had no idea what it was all about. I ended up spitting the saliva though. And when the spring rains came, I was Kyle's and he was mine. Two inseparable things, like a beetle and cow-dung trying to make our destiny happen.He was the country boy, and I was his wing lady country girl.

Are you thirsty? Come

I am hungry and thirsty. Not the hunger to be rubbed off by ordering a chicken pizza from KFC or  the Steers or better still a beef steak from the famous Brazilian cuisine joint.Yea, Pampa Churrascaria. No, its another hunger.  To just receive one Word that the mouth of the Lord has spoken.
I have no problem with being given inspiration and motivations words; they are good but not at the expense of the Word. Actually, thousands of them that the lip of man has coated with such oppulance that the most discouraged soul finds activation from; Nicely packaged to motivate my personality but when all is done, I just leave feeling much more lighter but still with the void in my inner being. I need just one Word,the Rhema word that speaks life of God in my being. Coz I know, one word from God will never equal 1000 words that have proceeded out of the mouth of men.
Peter says in Acts 11:14 "He will bring you a MESSAGE through which you and your household will be saved. It is just one word that Cornelius wanted. A single message. Just a word. A word that Paul says is the gospel of Christ crucified.chapter 13:38- That through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to all and anyone who believes is set free from every sin, a justification we could never get under the Mosaic law.
Well, the good book also says that we all we need is a Word from the Lord and our diseases shall be healed.
All we ever need is one Word...That thus says the Lord
Like the Samaritan woman at the well,my soul longs for Him, and I know that my wellness is at the well of Christ. My soul thirsts for Him,as the deer pants for the waters...
Isaiah 55: 1- 4
"Come,all you who are thirsty,come to the waters; and you who have no money
Come buy and eat! Come buy wine and milk,without money,without cost
Why spend money on that which is not bread,and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me that you may eat what is good... 
 Thoughtfully reflecting on the song by Don Moen River of God.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93aWfbisiPI 
Thirsty for more you
More of your Spirit and truth
Wash me from all my sin
Fill me with your Spirit again
You're the river of love
Flowing with the grace and mercy
Flooding my soul
Filling my heart with peace
O river of love
Like streams in the desert
Giver of life
Giving your life and love
To set me free
Heal me and I'll be healed
Save me and I will be saved
You've filled me with songs of praise
Forever I will sing of your grace
You're the river of love
Flowing with the grace and mercy
Flooding my soul
Filling my heart with peace
O river of love
Like streams in the desert
Giver of life
Giving your life and love
To set me free
If anyone is thirsty let him come on in
When you drink the living water
You will never thirst again

Its not you. No. Actually,its you

Its not you.Its me. No. Actually, its you. I was okay before I met you. I didn't struggle to go to bed because I was waiting for that one call that was never coming. I used to dose off as soon as I tucked myself in. Then you came, and everything changed. Then all was about you. I lost myself in you. You drew me close, too close for comfort. Made me feel like I was the only thing that mattered. You laughed hard with me, perhaps enjoyed flirting with me with those many and endless conversations. Then everything felt too familiar. Too close and somehow I dived in. Many that know me are certain that I give myself to whatever so strongly. And so I came on you so strongly. Hanging on to your words. Then one day, like I was  plague you moved away. A withdrawal so undeniable. Leaving me confused and wondering. " Is it me? No,I know its not me. Its you!"

And this days, I am learning to become hard hearted... Maybe even cold because I don't believe in some things. But you taught me to know what I want and believe in a better tomorrow. I learned the hard way but a very crucial lesson.

Yeah, so don't call me babe, unless you mean it,don't tell me you need me,unless you believe it. That's my mantra, to any unclear chats.

Don't call me babe, unless you mean it. I learn of Ed Sheeran the singer those days when love was love and not a game. But today I listened,because his song " Dive" just spoke what has been my mantra. Don't call me babe, unless you mean it! Period

Think you got an ugly past? Well almost everyone has!

Romans 8:1,”There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.”

I am a hymns’ girl and most of the time find myself reflecting on the rich lyrics in these old school composition. One such I have been pondering was ‘And Can it be that I Should Gain’ Hymn.

“No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine!
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness Divine,
Bold I approach the eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Bold I approach the eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.”

Well, you have no idea how reassuring that composition is especially if you know that you might be having a past that you look at and the only word you think of is Grace. It is a profound reminder that the past does not determine the future but rather prepares us for the future.

A lovely lady shared this with me after our groupie accountability fellowship. Thought I should encourage someone

“I feel so bad, I have failed God, and I have failed myself. I have failed my future husband and I just want to die like now,”(Let’s call her Purity) she says.

“Hey, hey heey, come on slow before you crucify yourself and the judge is yet to make His verdict,” I interject in a light manner.

“I am serious, ”she adds.” I fell and I feel dirty, used and the greatest sinner. I hate myself. I feel horrible.” By then she was in tears and couldn’t even look me in the eye. I looked at that girlie, my peer and I felt bad at the level of self-condemnation that she carried on her head! We talked for long, I encouraged her on that huge stone we sat on at the basketball court. We cried together. I held her hand and we prayed. The mistake had been done, and we both agreed it was wrong. But what next after the milk has been poured? And the unlikely candidate has licked a honeycomb that is not theirs?

That evening on a pale city sundown, we talked about the stories of unlikely women who were in the every aspect limited by their past lives. We talked about Tamar, a woman who was a victim of sexual abuse, and a schemy woman too who ended up deceiving his father in law into siring him children; Of Rahab, a prostitute lady who turns good and helps Joshua and his team. She ends up giving birth to Boaz, who begats Obed, and Jesse who is the root of David the King where Christ is lineage is established. We talk about the past of these women and the latter days and how grace turns their lives around.

We talk about grace, and I assure her that if we confess our sins, He forgives; that there is no condemnation for her, and she has to forgive herself as the Lord has.

A gradual process it was but eventually it happened. She has become an encouragement and the best accountability I could ask for. Asking me hard questions and demanding answers in a bold but loving ways. Today she is a strong, healed and an instrumental lady in my life. She taught me to extend grace as I am a recipient of the same. Today, young as she is, her story now encourages many more…

There is no condemnation. We all have a past that grace has set us free from. Are you feeling that you have such an ugly past? Well, Rahab had, so did Tamar and so does every other person you look around and see as if they have it all figured out.

Let your past serve to prepare you for the greater future.

#Amazinggrace

#NocondemnationtothemthatareinChristJesus