Dear brothers in the Lord...I speak for my sisters

Dear brothers in the Lord or is it "Lord"?

Greetings from your sister of another mother. Or should I copy Paul the apostle in my salutation and say grace and peace be multiplied to you? It may be in order as I am a messenger of peace.I speak for my sisters.

Well, don't crucify me yet before you get through my grievances which certainly I will end up having a following for. I am a sad Christian single girl...well perhaps bitter about the generation of some breed of men who are sitting by some of us at the church pew. Yes, those ones that are walking in some kind of anointing and even the pastor is seemingly proud of as sons in the house. Yes, those ones that will never miss church, they are always attending church meetings, events. Launches, you can always be sure to find them. They are simple, not necessarily attractive but just " good" brothers in the church. Those ones that even when elderly ladies see you hang around get excited and begin inviting you over to their houses for a visit because they assume you might be courting and want to give you godly counsel. Some of this sing more melodiously than angels, others preach like they just descended from heaven for that task. They are loved, and praised and as such, many girls are easily lured their way.  I write to you my brothers as sister would to the brother from her mother’s womb. We are a family but I don't know where we missed the mark. We serve together in church, we are good friends, well at least we spend some time in the youth or church related events. We grow close, then too close and somehow, we agree to know each other beyond the pew. 

All I have ever known you is a man or should I use the term boy( coz that's what I eventually come face to face with) who shares fundamental beliefs of my faith. Then one day you visit and because you are a close friend by now, Sunday afternoon seems a great idea. You come, my little sister is around, and we have lunch together. Then my sister pops out to go and watch some game, she loves football and somehow we have a good time to just talk stuff. We agree tomorrow is Monday and you need to go so that I can prepare for the work week ahead. You don't seem so happy to leave and as you give me a hug and I hand you the jacket, some packs fall down." So you carry these things around everywhere you go?" Then an argument ensues.

Then he goes on to say " Yeah, am hoping to use it someday, actually I was hoping today was that day?

Mmmmh, really, so now what happened to our pledge? I ask eyes searching his?

" Well, I can never marry someone without getting to know what am going to settle for! "

" Ooh, I see. Now that you know exactly what you want, I bet I don't want to have this conversation, atleast not now and not here"  " You frustrate me much” was his last words.

That's how the goodbye went and out of the door he had walked living the pack of whatever that fell on my sitting area mat. That was the last time we had a sober conversation but we meet in church and serve.  Tell me dear brothers, those concerned, I dare you to tell me that I am too spiritual and hard because I won't get laid and still come to church and act like all is well. I understand all too well that we all struggle, and sometimes we can’t help it, things happen and there is grace too. Accidents/incidents happen and it’s not like we don’t get carried away. We do, and sometimes end up cosy, perhaps a few stolen kisses here and there, we are human; but when you have decided that it has to happen and actually planning on how and when, you can’t tell me it was accidental! That’s a fat lie, you fall and wake up, find grace but not wallow in the very sin, that’s not faith. I will quote Paul here, “Shall we then continue sinning because there is grace? By no means”. So, before you crucify me here, I was hoping that we would agree first of all that grace teaches us to say no to ungodliness and despite the grace being poured, it is not a ticket to sinning.  Now tell me that sex is one thing you just can't help wait to do with the right woman? Tell me again that it is a Precambrian era I am dragging you back to, that it is old school. Tell me that it’s impossible to put the goodies between your legs under lock and key for just a little less longer than you have lived? While you debate on giving the response, I want to ask a question to these ones too.

Yes, those ones that are perhaps genuine but end up discarding a sister like a door mat. Well behaved they are, they are just standard okay, maybe good looking too depending with the beholder. You bring a girl close, you guys share much, laugh together, send each other funny jokes on whatsup, text up, have longs calls, visit each other and so on. You both enjoy each other’s company very much. Then one day you decide that you will friend zone her because she is too good for you or whatever creepy reason you give; You friend zone yourself even when she has given subtle signs that you are more than a friend to her. You have made her get used to chatting up with you, catching films together and then one day, you just go off. No explanation given but somehow you have nothing to do with her, any attempts to find out what the heck happened is blown off, she asks herself questions, she cries and finally she accepts that it was just her illusions. My big question is why do you drag somebody’s child through all this mess and leave her loathing herself and ruining her esteem? She has wondered way too long what is wrong with her that made you just walk off?

I know what you are thinking now, that she shouldn't assume being close to her means I am interested in something more with her. Correct. I have heard that many times and I get it, unless a man clearly states what he wants, don't expect it. But I ask, why would you still message me, flirt with me and dutifully call me especially at night and lead me on when you know that's not where you are intending to go? Why? I am not even asking the men of the world. There's is a different case altogether. This are men who lead us in worship, they can even teach the word when the pastor is away in other missions. Just why  should you hurt sisters and still want to praise God? And you do this not to one sister, a string of them and all your defense is “I didn't ask either of them out”. Brother, I think you need deliverance actually, you can't keep hurting ladies who are so genuine with you and think all will be fine when five girls are going to bed with teary eyes crying to God to help them just find themselves again out of some man's web! It’s like inviting terror in in your own house by lighting a fire in the rooftop of a grass thatched hut. It will burn you.You are awakening a hurricane and all you have is a canoe,brother you will be swept off by the currents! I write to express grievance and hopefully find you to consider your leading on ladies is wrong; that ladies are emotional and with time, the attachment will be very difficult to break and consequently heal from. That hopefully, you will be careful on the words you message another sister and perhaps stop calling at those crazy hours leaving her with little less than fantasy as she drifts off. It is with love that I write to you. Love for you brothers and love for my fellow sisters.

Then this other ones who have been your friend, known when you broke up with your ex and the progress of your downhill and healing, you become too close. He knows almost everything about you; he is a typically good friend that you enjoy good conversation with. You think he is smart, funny, loves the Lord and just amazing to be around with. You hang out for coffees too, he used to bring you chocolates or ice cream those days you broke up with your ex and remind you that you will manage this. He has seen you on your worst and you didn't mind eating an entire box of pizza in front of him. Then one day he tells you that you are such an amazing girl, he is so lucky to be having a person like you in his life, its many years later and now you actually have been thinking that he is a pretty awesome company. Then one day, he tells you that he is met a girl, then they are engaged, and a wedding date is set. You wonder why he told you funny things and has chosen another for a bride. You swallow your pride and even help them to plan their wedding. On their ruracio , you rock your heels and wear the best smile you could summon. All things go well and your friend continues being friendly. Then he takes you for more coffees saying that soon he will be somebody else’s and it will be impossible to hang out as often. He does this more often than for his fiancé as you later realize. I think he even messages you a lot more that he does text her. You get alarmed and share your concerns with a friend, she warns you to keep off. And because you moved on, it's not a task of climbing Mt Everest.

He notices the careful but strategic move you took and then decides it doesn’t matter. Then he tells you that he loves you. That actually, he has loved you for a very long time and that you will always be special. You look at him like you just resurrected from the dead many centuries ago and want to take in everything that has changed with this 21^st century you just found yourself in.You are lost for words. He friend zoned you for starters and now he is there uttering this stupid but home wrecking statements. You even decide to have an acting boyfriend stage managed scenario to keep him off which he somehow buys into. Then you put him off and he thinks you are very inconsiderate "bitch" and you are not careful of how he feels.Deep down you realise he wants to hold you down as a special girl but also keep her main woman. Just how selfish is not mine to decide. I just know it is wrong. So now, I end up feeling sorry for the girl he is going to marry because of his uncertainty on what he wants. And I ask, do you sit to think through the words you want to say to a woman?

Well, what am trying to say, is before you drag a woman into your life, ask yourself why you are doing that and the implication of that ,if it’s not clear, just leave somebody’s girl alone to be found by him who has thought through and knows that it is her that he wants. And for some who enjoy the fun of hurting girls because you don't want to grow up, God is watching, sometimes I am tempted to pray for fire and brimstone to fall on some head then I remember I am a recipient of grace and so extend grace. Unfortunately, many brothers in fellowship still do this and it is so sickening.  I have lived for   twenty something years and the truth is, I know many girls who got tired of this drama and keep wondering if we have legit brothers in the house of the Lord. Surprisingly, the checklist some of these girls have is so basic; a man who loves the Lord...whose faith has been tried and tested. They too won't mind a financially endowed man but they prefer a financially responsible one, not necessarily rich but responsible with what he has. But where are they? And because most have gone through this shit with young " boys" , they just would rather be alone than drag full grown men who refuse to let go their mothers teets and be a grown. They are beyond games and only ask for a man’s loyalty and trust. Can you handle that or you just want to awaken love when it doesn't please and go to the next. Well, I am not saying all men are but truth is, you will know them by their fruits! You can't be an avocado and bear apples, can you? 

May the Lord help the sisters to carefully consider the plant and the fruits it brings fourth before diving in too deep and may he help our brothers to be careful with us... Phewks. Such a long post but worth it I suppose

Yours Truly,

The sisters’ Keeper

Disclaimer:

I ask all this hard questions for a sister. If it evokes wrong emotions, we are sorry and we ask that you forgive and bear with us. All I did was speak for a sister. As such, the write-ups anecdotes does not in any way  reflect the characters in real life of the author but a fictious  development capturing real life scenarios as narrated by a bunch of ladies.

N/B: Help us understand you and by all means be kind in your feedback...lol