Letter to My Almost Lover That Never Was!

 

“Hands that could never touch;

Lips that will never meet,

The Almost Lovers, that were never to be.”

We connected so well. Somehow, he knew what to say to me and when to say it. I was utterly convinced beyond doubt that he is my rib, my soul mate, my other half and all there synonyms. The first time we had a conversation, the moment he opened his mouth to speak, I knew I would say yes to his proposal. The accredited Queens accent left me with an eclectic smile that accentuated my slender face. I fell in love with that accent too. I remember sharing with my gf and all I could say was “ men….that accent, wow, I think am in love” and my friend would go something like, “I wanna hear that killer accent myself “.

Over 4000miles across the Atlantic or was it the Mediterranean we battled the distance. We talked every day for over half an hour despite crazy time difference of up to 6 hrs. depending with the season. I would stay late to have our Skype calls. He would wake up in the wee hours of the morning to be the first one to wish her princess a beautiful day. That made me realize we had loved with our all. A very supportive man who would do absolutely anything to ensure I am well. Didn’t dash on my dreams, he encouraged me, cherished me and above all loved me for me. He was one man who was so real with me that I felt comfortable even with a bad hair day around him. Yes, my boyfriend was the romantic type of guy; sending beautiful cute massages that I woke up to or slept on; A real cute hopeless romantic…lol.

Finally, the day came and I cruised to the airport to get my moochie. Lo and behold; there he was, handsome as I remembered. I didn’t need an alarm; I hurdled into his warm embrace; his strong masculine arms enveloping my shoulders reassuringly. My nostril deeply inhaling his cologne that will last in my memory many days later, maybe weeks and months. If only that moment could last for eternity. Being in his embrace felt like a safe haven; a little heaven down here on earth.

I remember the smell of his shampoo as he sat next to me in the set table. We had a beautiful dinner, chats, laughs and comfortable silence. But that was the furthest that we could go. We sat by each other after the dinner and chose to tell our love through comfortable silence. I remember sitting by his side in agony. He wouldn’t dare touch even my hands. I wanted him to turn to me and tell me things, to hold my hands and say that it was going to be okay. That it was a bad dream and our lives will be just fine. Instead, he just held his gaze unto mine. I saw hurt and brokenness in those eyes. How could we be so close yet so far away? It was one of those moments you don’t want to relive. So we let our eyes break the walls in our hearts and tell of our raw feelings of the sweetness and cruelty of that love we had fought to maintain.

I saw him off the airport again. I wasn’t prepared fully for the biggest blow that was coming. The goodbye… possibly saying goodbye and maybe for good; we sat by each other at the travellers lounge for long. I struggled to let go. My hands clung to his jacket as if to draw some strength from it. He admitted it’s difficult and I knew it was. It was time for his checking in and we called my taxi.

 Then I broke down again as I thought of this last hug am getting. That even if I am to be hugged by him again someday, it will never be the same again. Breaking down again, this time knowing that our happily ever after will never be. Few meters from where we had stood, I turned back, and there he was, still transfixed and standing still by the taxi window. For two seconds, I stared. Then i pulled down my window and waved him goodbye amidst teary eyes. I signaled to the cab driver and off we sped. He was gone and my life was beginning in a new slate altogether. The cab dropped me, and I disappeared into the dimly lit alley, towards my house.  The rains hit softly on my face, somehow washing my tears away. I dint even use the umbrella to cover my hair. I didn’t care about it anymore. My heart was marred with brokenness and I knew I have lost him. This time, forever…And had to deal with that.

He was a real good man and saying adieus was the hardest. Ours was a complicated story; he loved me, I loved him but it was not that simple. He was my baby, my moochie, my man. He made me love like I have never done, even as our dreams shattered into pieces, his love made me rebuilt my hope to love again. He showed me that there is true love out here…the greatest lesson ever drawn him.

And like my namesake, I will say “Though sorrow may have impeded my heart,
It was of great love to have known you.”
― C. Elizabeth