Fear of Singlehood…

Calvary greetings after a long while of silence, 

You see, I was one of those girls who grew up knowing that by mid 20s, I will be married and begin making my family. Well, it didn’t happen. Sometimes I would wonder whether it was because I was too smart and strong-willed, too shy, too conservative, too strict, not so good enough, not hippie or just not beautiful enough to bowl a man over. I thought of many things; that maybe I will not be able to experience the gift of marriage. I fell in love too. Not once but a few times. I thought to myself finally, the curtains are down and our happily ever after is here. But somehow, things happened and here we are. I found myself into some few wrong ones too, mostly, wanting to feel special and also have someone to talk to late into the night and argue about who is to hang up first. You know those little things that make dating really exciting. 

There were days of feeling sorry, sad and confused. Fear crept in too sometimes. “Will I be married someday? Will I even meet a good man out here? They were seasons with dozens of question; questions that drove one to entertain the strangest of a male who will show an ounce of attention. A wrong move if you ask me. But I have come to appreciate one truth; the season of singlehood is one of the sweetest joys one can have. You get to enjoy a perfect Father –Daughter moment without distractions. 

You know, there are times I would pack my bags and travel to a new city or place, I wish I would make those memories with someone special and it broke my heart that the only thing I could do was journal. He can’t share the moments with me, but I can only share through my journals. I stared at the beautiful sunset, cruised to some quiet island in the early morning orange glare of the rising sun, the reflection on my face and the cool breeze flipping my hair messily. I kept every memory safely tucked in my journal. Sometimes I would look down and feign a smile when the water boat guy will ask why I am going to some island alone. Then I would face him, smile lightly as I adjust my hair and mumble something like, “He has phobia for water, he couldn’t join me,” Then he would say something like, “I wouldn’t let my woman out here alone with a group of strange men ,” in that Giriama accent. “I will swim the ocean just to show her that I got her back.”  I would smile and adjust my camera lens and capture the scene around. 

Back then it was difficult. I had fears that ate my esteem. But when I realized how precious those moments were, I think my single season is the most beautiful phase of my life. You get to have a great opportunity of bonding with the Father. You talk to him about your secrets; you tell Him even how you don’t understand His sons’ behavior.  You engage Him like the little princess you are to help you understand our brothers, you even tell him of a stupid crush you have and know it is not right and how they drive you crazy. You know, just the kind of stuff that goes on between daddy and her daughter. The season affirms to you through friendship about your worth, value and how your father looks to you. A princess you are, with your identity pegged on your Father. He helps you to put your heart in Him, and like in the movie” Courageous” He softly and tenderly asks  you to give Him your heart, That He will guard it and entrust it to a man after His heart.

“Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.” Proverbs 31: 29

Yeah, my Father –Daughter time has taught me that, my worth.  I am a daughter of my Father, who is dearly loved. Daddy’s girl; He hides me. He shares my joy, my pain, my laughter; He tells me am beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made.

He reminds me that even in that vacation, I was not alone. In the quiet island, I was never alone. He was there, He shared my memories. He was there kissing my forehead with the rays of the sunset, singing me beautiful songs with the chirping of the birds, excited with me as I got thrilled observing the marine life in the massive ocean. 

He was there when I sat across my bed reminding myself that someday he will be here, the three of us together. That he will be worth the wait. And even though my Father will be right in our midst, it will be special but different. It will be me with my moochie but my Father will be there. As for now, I will enjoy the time with my Father, I will dance with Him, I will watch my favorite movie with Him, I will travel places with Him and one day, I will share these memories with my father to my darling. I will keep my journal and gladly share my memories with him, so that he will know about my Father too.

For now, enjoy your father –daughter time darling!

Wont you?

PS: The website is now on…   www.lizzieadisawrites.com

  check out…our stories will be posted there from now hence fourth. Thank you!

Love

The sisters Keeper

#TrippleS122

Is it that bad that you marry late in life?

I sometimes get shocked about how careless some of us are in our conversation. Words either break or make. They either heal or destroy. No one can ever return the words spoken out. Sometimes we hurt others badly when we utter careless words and no matter how we try to undo, the results are there to stay.

So, the other day, I am having this long phone call with a good friend. As usual, his first lament is that he wants to really meet this man and give him a hard buddy fist. Then he says that it is important to get married and have children when I am still young. He even does the breakdown of the children growing up and suggest that  if you are over 30 years with no child yet, that implies that your child will be in form one while you are at 50 years. His argument is that there will be a difficulty in raising the child because they will be thinking of you as their ‘ancestor’. We had a long conversation. Mainly trying to bring a few things into perspective…

First of all, as girl in my late twenties, I can bet you I have heard a lot of annoying stuff. Sometimes scary as far as matters getting children is concerned. First, it was, ooh, “you should bring up your child when you are still young. Children born later in life are normally intellectual dwarfs; that staying too long may cause fibroids etc.” So many things have been pegged negatively on a woman’s life and everyone in the world is always screaming at you. then."Get a man. If it’s too hard, then just get a baby and forget marriage."

 

But today, I write to encourage one who has heard those sentiments like a gazillion times.

First of all, no one should give you pressure to settle or the just have a baby kind of thing. I believe that children are a heritage from the Lord. Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him (Psalms 127:3) No one is guaranteed to have them. You see, the irony of life is that today:

•   A teenager will indulge in unplanned sex on her way to school. Without realizing it, she begins spewing saliva and insisting on wearing her mother’s oversize jumper even when the sun is up the sky.
•   Another girl will just have a single one night and lo and behold, she is pregnant.
•  Yet another will get married at 24 years and stay for years only to conceive at 40 year.
•    Another will be married at 33 and conceive in honey moon.
• And another will use FP, have protected sex but still conceive.

So what am I saying, nobody knows when the other will really get a child or whether that will be because, they are a blessing that most certainly not all are guaranteed. Sometimes people don’t decide to have children 15 years after their last child had been born. It just happens. The same way no one plans to have a child with disability or who needs special care.

Let no one ever tell you that getting married later will give you a hard time raising your children. It is pure nonsense. You can marry early and still wait forever to have the bundles of joy but the Joy of the Lord will still be your strength. Equally, you can marry old and get a baby a.s.a.p. All we need is to have the wisdom to discern the voice of God in all the situations we are in. Either of the extreme doesn’t imply that there is something wrong with you. There could be yes but also, like with the story of the man born blind, Jesus is asked by the crowd on why he is blind. They ask, “Is it because of his sins or his parent’s sins” Jesus replies and says, no, “It was so, so that the name of God will be known and glorified”. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him(John 9:2-3).

As one Nadira writes https://nadirahangail.com/2016/05/25/mind-your-own-womb/  here, just leave people’s stomach alone. And yes, even if one marries and conceives early or late, your child will be handsome and beautiful to behold like it was said of baby Moses by the Egyptian midwives.

There is nothing wrong in marrying later in life or earlier in life. The beauty is in beginning marriage life with the right person. A right person that together you will built your home and raise godly offspring’s who will not only be a blessing to your home and the body of Christ, but a blessing to the nations and a gift to humanity. 15 But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring.( Malachi 2:15)

Love 

Sisters Keeper.

Tripples121

Dating a younger man,Should age matter?

I couldn’t do this write up for obvious reasons that someone might think I am speaking about them. I asked a friend to do it for me instead.  What is the fuss about dating a younger guy? Based on my experiences, I would have taken a totally different stand altogether. So he looks me in the eye and says, Babe, Falling for you was like taking an afternoon nap. I had promised myself that it will just be a brief sleep with one coffee we had but as soon as I fell, I was dreaming.  I know I’m not supposed to love you. I’m not supposed to care, living my life wishing you were here. I am not supposed to wonder where you are and what you are up to. But I can’t help it. I fell in love with you.” Sweet words, heart melting but still, it were a no. Was it because of age? 30 % yes and 70% No. why? There is more to saying yes to a proposal than just age. Anyway, my good friend Stella Rop shares some interesting thoughts on the subject here for triple S Series

“A

ge ain’t nothin’but a number...” an old song I used to like goes.

But is it?

I don’t know why it is that most of us ladies hope to end up with an older man. Perhaps we imagine the extra years on this earth will have helped him gain some wisdom (not a bad thing!) or ‘get serious’ with his life and career so that he can be that Provider when the time comes for us to say ‘I do’. 

So here comes a chap you well know is younger than you, chasing you, calling you, looking for excuses to meet with you and hinting at a courtship and you’re asking yourself, “Haka kako serious lakini?!”  (Is this little one even serious?) He could be two or three or even five years younger than you. Maybe his older siblings were your classmates in school and you fear being labelled a ‘cradle snatcher’. Maybe your over-active imagination has already shown you a future where, when he is fifty, people will be mistaking you for his mother! Maybe you keep telling him things like “You remind me of my little brother” or even “Why don’t you find someone your own age to disturb?” in a bid to discourage him. Perhaps you and your girlfriends have enjoyed endless rounds of laughter making fun of this young man, even though you’re secretly flattered by his interest. But why dismiss someone because of his age? 

The primary thing to look out for is a man who is walking with the Lord- and remember God can save one at age 8, 28 or 88. Salvation is not like the KCSE exam, which can only be done in Form Four! Supposing the younger man pursuing you is already walking with the Lord and growing in his faith, bearing visible fruits of this relationship with God, then ask yourself the following questions:

1. Is he mature?

Maturity is not a direct result of age. There are young, mature people out there, just as there are older, immature people. Look at his speech, his thoughts, the people he associates with and the way he lives his life. Does he have direction in his life? Is he ready and able to bring someone else into his life? Before you dismiss him so fast, realize that he may have a thing or two to teach you. After all, though wisdom increases with age, it is not necessarily withheld from the young: If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. (James 1:5)

2. Are we pursuing the same things in life?

Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?  (Amos 3:3)

This is a far more important question to answer than someone’s age. You hear of many couples who break up saying, “We drifted apart” or “We don’t want the same things any more,” which means each was pulling in the opposite direction. If the two of you generally have goals for your lives that align, your relationship stands a far better chance of surviving and thriving.   

3. Can we be friends?

Of course, you cannot marry your enemy! Any good relationship is built on the foundation of friendship. Sister, if this young man shows some promise in the ‘potential mate’ department, why not give him a chance? You may not agree to date him straight away but you could start by becoming his friend. Take the chance to get to know him in a non-romantic way, and you will learn a lot about him. It’s always refreshing to hang out with someone who has a different perspective of life from yours. Get to know his inner circle of friends, his hobbies and so on, as he learns the same about you. You could end up gaining a friend— and mate—for life, or on the other hand you could discover the two of you are about as compatible as oil and water. Either way, you won’t have wasted your time.

We ask God to give us good spouses, and indeed He does, because He is the provider of every good gift (James 1:17). However, we cannot dictate the terms and conditions of these gifts, because our Father gives us what He knows is best for us. Before you dismiss him, look twice at that younger man. Are you shying away from him because it is ungodly, or are you worried about what people will think? Reflect on that and remember, Watasema sana, lakini usiku watalala.”

Piece by Stella Rop,

For Tripple S 120

Is it true that you want to date Jesus and not a Jesus Disciple?

Is it true that you want to date Jesus and not a Jesus Disciple?

No and Yes. No because, we just want to see the radiance of Christ in your life brother; Even just a little ray giving a glimpse of the Jesus in you. You see, when you have been called to be an inxusa (Zulu word for ambassador), you represent that person, nation and in this case Christ by showing a reflection of Him in your life. Generally, we would expect you to have a thing that tells of the person you represent. The same way the hands that give roses always have fragrance of it left kind of thing. All we want is to smell the scent that an encounter with Jesus left. And yes, it’s the fruits you bear that testifies of the Christ you profess. We don’t want the verbatim declaration of Jesus is Lord.  For verily, "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. (Matthew 7:21)

Yes because sadly, some of us are aiming for perfection from imperfect brothers. As I have written many times, women need to find completeness in Christ. It is incorrect to go out with the mentality of perfection. It’s not alright to expect a man to satisfy all your longings, complete you, make you happy etc. Is he your Jesus or a prototype of Jesus? And if he is an idol of Jesus, then what is the Real SON OF God expected to fulfill in your life? Wisdom is accepting a brother with his flaws and strength. Endeavor not for perfection but working out with someone who is striving for perfection as we both look up to Jesus, our perfect example. Honestly, no matter how organized a guy is, at some point you will be disappointed with each other. He will disappoint you. You will disappoint him. He will act contrary to your expectations and so will you.

If you are a “Ruth”(one who desires marriage) to a potential “Boaz”(Mate) stop behaving like a “Delilah”(archaeologist)!

 A delilah is a relentless digger. She finds out every flaw about the potential suitor and decides that saying yes to this will be settling for less. The first suitor was not financially endowed. The second had macho issues. The third one was addicted to his gadget didn’t give me attention. Well, I am an introvert and I love quality time and attention. However, I will be very wrong to assume I am flawless. There are times I wouldn’t answer my calls even from a very special person; Not because I didn’t hear or the number is unknown. But rather, I just felt a mess and had exhausted my radiation saturation for the day as someone close likes to say. Of course that is insensitive to the other party especially if you are very tight but tagging me as moody and focusing on that occasional meanness may end up seeing you lose the big picture about me. Trying to dig out the flaws on another and forgetting yours is nothing close to godly.

Ask all this married people and see. There is always a place of compromise and that is when love covering the multitude of sin (weakness) comes in . “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” (1 Peter 4:8) If she is a spendthrift and your area of strength is economics, then help cover that weakness. What I am saying is this, before you get too picky and antagonistically judgmental; remove the plank in your eyes before pointing on the others speck.

 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?( Matthew 7:3)

Stop finding imperfections with everyone. The faults will be there but get one that you can extend grace and help cover. For verily I say, you will not find perfection expect in Christ. All of us have flaws and in need have grace. We all need a Savior.

So yes, don’t settle for someone who has nothing that tells of the Christ they profess. Jesus Himself says that you will know them by their fruits. And the fruit of the Holy Spirit is Love, Peace, Joy, forbearance, Goodness, Kindness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.(Galatians 5:22). But also don’t say no to the entire camp of brothers because you did not like a thing or two about them. We will marry Jesus in eternity but if we want marriage for the world, I guarantee you we can only marry His disciples.

Yours Truly,

Sisters' Keeper

Tripples119