Does anyone else feel this?

Well,I don't know about you but this definitely puts me off. I just didn't realize how high the perfectionism syrup flows in my veins until recently. All I remember is that according to psychologist Tim Lahaye writeup,I am a mel-phleg.A combination of a Melancholic who have an eye for perfection and and an over calm phlegmatic.
I quite often am not perturbed by small things like using different shades of same color in knitting, a not so round chapati the shape of a trapezium etc.
However,I am obsessed with having little things in absolute order. For instance having my bed neatly made from the beddings to the cover with edges flowing right at 90 degrees. I am that articulate that anything minus that leaves me unsatisfied. This morning, I felt the same urge when I borded a public matatu(a new motivation to work towards that black Toyota Harrier). It is absolutely quiet ,the screaming silence than can only compare to that in a deserted,bushy and unkept old cemetery that serves the posterity as reminder of loyal colonial fighters. Don't get me wrong,its 5am and every body aboard is silent. Perhaps meditating or trying to catch up with sleep within the short trip to town after waking up as witches pack up there bags after an active night. I don't quite sleep at such a time and so am often in the bandwagon of meditators. With soft gospel music playing in the bus when am lucky to abord one that plays Gospel tunes,am easily lost in the world of God and me. My garden of peace
So the other day, am in a bus at that wee hour and they are playing old school gospel that are abit high tempo for an early morning. The speaker and bass is high and meditation becomes impossible with such distraction. Then something happens when the music is transitioning and the perfection in me notes an odd thing and I can't help feeling let down. I wasnt very good with virtual DJ at campus but atleast I appreciated that to mix songs,its key to try and synchronize the tempos first. That it is not a mix if you jump cut from one song to another of totally different tempo,that is a playlist!!!!.There is a reason the mixer has a fade under and fade up button for the DJ to slowly but correctly loop  to the next. I was mad at the way the mix was flowing. Like seriously, who mixes *ahadi ya Bwana song and jumpcuts to a slow hymn *Bwana Mungu nashangaa kabisa*
Both songs are awesome and I enjoyed. My only concern though is how it was transitioned.If you are a DJ, I mean a practising Christian one,please just do it right.
Thank you.Am not suggesting that you have all your shoes arranged in a particular order or have your desktop with organized icon
Music is mystical and it takes us where many things can't,please do it and right and spare a sister agony at 5am!

My diary as an introvert

You may not understand when I tell you I can't hang out today and you pop in later at my place and find out that I am warmly tucked in my bed or couch...whichever I will deem appropriate then.That actually, what I meant by saying I have other engagement was simply to go and have me time. I meant,all I wanted was to be with self,perhaps a bowl of icecream if its  hot or a chocolate with cream and to be precise a cherry on top. One cherry.That the reason I turned your invite down wasn't to attend another one as I made you believe but rather to spend time in my oasis of peace. my secret Lake or garden as Robin Sharma would put it.
Its not that I can't hang out,it just happens that after being in several social gatherings, I am utterly drained and I need a recharge.
Hanging in crowdy places is something I can afford for short duration after which I have to take care of self in my secret place of peace where am away from the screams in the world,and nothing can rob of my tranquillity unless I permit.
So about the other day, I am not a moody gal who is a weirdo who doesn't seem to flow with multitude.
It just happens that the things that excites and leaves me tingly,an ordinary extrovert won't find appealing. When you see me quiet and aloof,not participating in conversation, its not that I am shy. I just get intrigued by mature, deep and meaningful talk.When I come across such individuals who understand my dynamic, I can talk for ages.
I am just a girl next door whose life is different.

Why do you pray?

Well, that’s something that I have been pondering on especially after this morning when a devastatingly painful choice had to be made and it hit me that my only solace is God. No amount of comfort could make sense and I only found myself comforted by screaming out to God.

And so I ask, why do you pray?

Do you pray because something bad has happened to trigger you to reach out to God?

Or do you pray to create and foster intimacy with God when everything is super cool.

Unfortunately, most of us fall in the category of them that seek the Lord when the rubber meets the road as an option of quick fix our situation.

When we pray with the intent of twisting God to act on our situations the way we want it to be like what we are doing is pretty wrong.

God can never be manipulated. We pray to catch up with Him and that in the intimacy of our conversation and getting to listen from God, we get in synched with the Holy Spirit. Once connected, the Holy Spirit who reveals to us all things and the mind of God begins to help us understand the place of God in that situation and how we eventually are to pray about it

Pray not because you want God to do something for you but pray that you may get to know who God is and hear Him and what He has to say in your situation…

Can I tame my mind?

Where to begin...

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12.2

 

Well, I have had opportunities to interact with couples who have endured the pain of long distance relationship and got to appreciate a few things. It was commonly agreed upon that distance played a big role in encouraging the couples to talk more and more because they are only limited to that to experience and know about each other. So mostly, skype date, phone calls and social media and sharing emojis was what was left for them. This not only opens door for a much more communication approaches but also highly reduced the temptation of falling into sexual sin. However, from an example from my friends, this had its downside as the couples tend to get overly close during the moments they get to be together and therefore makes them equally susceptible to sexual temptation as any other couples who see each other frequently.

My concern though is on the part of winning war against the mind. For most long distance relations, the couples rely on the endless conversation and chats to create vivid pictures and fill in the gaps.

As a result, this couples end up filling gaps with crazy fantasy and wild imaginations that to big extend ends up to be used as an alternative to deal with the loneliness. In the process of filling in the other with what’s happening, and wanting to express the emotions how you feel them, this lot gets easily inclined to share erotic messages to substitute physical affection distance is limiting. Both straight Christian couples and non-end up being victims of the same.

As believer however, how are we able to win this war against the flesh and impure thoughts when courting whether long and close distance relationship?

The Bible clearly states that three things are the sources of all our struggle as far as upholding purity of any kind is concerned.

• The pride of Life
• The pride of the Eyes
•  The lusts of the flesh

This three determine our course of action and our quest for purity in such a huge way that you are either winning or losing the battle. Of interest also is the three key gates that if not well controlled can see you wallow in the waste of impurity. Namely

• The gates of the eyes
• The gate of the Mind
• The gate of the heart

Eyes serve as a visual aid and gateway to what we feed our minds with. The mind in turns takes in and persuades the heart that a little wild thinking, lustful thinking, double entendres and daydreams are okay. The heart then after being convinced then pours fourth the fruits and we collectively agree that out of the abundance of this organ the mouth shall speak fourth.

I want to win this war but where do I start you ask?

Well, I am not a guru and I do not have a to do list on how to get rid of impure thoughts but one thing I know is that the battle begins with our eyes.

When we control and regulate what our eyes take it, the mind will be limited to what we feed it with from movies, to the books we read etc. and our hearts will not be left at a vulnerable position.

Controlling the eyes is not the easiest of things but certainly something workable. Job in the 31^st chapter says he has chosen to be intentional and make a covenant with his eyes not to look at a woman lustfully. That simply put means he will be deliberate about the things he rivets his attention from so that he doesn’t feed the mind with the wrong food knowing that the repercussion will eventually affect the heart and the battle on purity.

Just to ponder on,

Making a covenant with your eyes will save your skin in many ways but it takes time to develop the discipline.

The art of creating a shield around yourself will also be super awesome. For instance, the knowledge that as a believer, you have been bought at a price and you are not your own, you are the Lords. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Always arise and take captive every arguments, thoughts and pretentions that raises themselves against the knowledge of God in your life 2 Corinthians 10:5

It’s a tough battle but we are more than conquerors…do not feel condemned. You are loved and you can do this.

New Beginnings...

 New Beginnings...

Ruth 1:16-17   But Ruth replied, “Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. ¹⁷ Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me”
The story of Naomi and Ruth keeps cementing my unshakable belief on the place of women in ministry as far as binding the broken hearted is concerned. Because of our ease to listen and empathize with others, this is a ministry that most of us can engage in our daily endeavours at work place, home, church etc. With vulnerabilities around us, we can serve God in this capacity and show love to the neighbour. Naomi is a bitter woman and thinks God has left her and forgotten about her long ago. When all that she had comes to an end with his husband and sons death, she feels that all things is over and she doesn’t have the will to live again. When she begs her daughter in-laws to leave and let her go back to her people, Orpa decides to go back but despite her pestering, Ruth is adamant and actually in the moment of confrontation she reveals the most amazing thing.
Most certainly Naomi needed help and support after losing 3 important men in her life but here she is so adamant and refusing any kind of help. Ruth however, because of the discerning of the Holy Spirit faces her mother in law squarely and what she says is striking. Ideally, if I were in her shoes, perhaps I would have given up on Naomi and left her but Ruth challenges me. As a matter of fact, Naomi hasn’t just given up on herself but also in her God but Ruth comes in and makes six powerful promises that leave Naomi Silent.
She says

• Where you go I will go
• Where you stay I will stay
• Your people will be my people
• Your God my God
• Where you die I will die
• There I will be buried.

Not just that but she holds herself accountable to the God whom Naomi was despairing on saying “May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me”
With the above assurance and powerful words that anyone would be easily convinced came from the mouth of a bride to his lover perhaps in their wedding day, we would expect Naomi’s heart to soften up and hug sweet Ruth but she goes numb and perhaps with her hands clasping the cheeks in mourning.
Ruth was also hurting for her husband but her strength knocks me up. When hurting, we would want to deal with our pains and rarely would we stand up and be strong for others in our worst. When we are hurting, it becomes even more difficult to look past of our pain to the pain of the one inflicting our pain.
Grace unto you ladies to look beyond your hurt to the one of he/she that is inflicting pain,