Don’t try to force it…let it flow

Keep the faith. The vision is always for the appointed time. Be patient, prayerful and wait for the fulfillment of your visions.”

― Lailah Gifty Akita

His Word

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. Ecclesiastes 3:1

From my heart to yours

Most often than not, life never goes as planned. The job, promotion, marriage, baby, degree, car etc take time. With so much uncertainty, God is teaching me that the secret to His peace is in seeing the whole scope of God's working from beginning to the end and accepting that He works on His timelines. Today I share from my heart an excerpt from my journal…

How bad can it get to?

I had to shut off my phone. Mostly, I was overly discouraged. I felt like crying and giving up. I wanted to tell God things but then remembered that today it is listening. Not talking. How is that even possible? Couldn’t they wait until my last referee sent his reference? What was so bad about the first two references that they use that to cut me off?

I have a folder in my computer labeled Postgraduate.

For a long time now, I badly wanted to go for my studies abroad.  I wanted to make paps proud; To prove a point that I am his smart little girl but basically, to go there, study and see what it is like being there and make paps proud.  In this folder, I have dozens of applications I began making for scholarships way after campus. I just wanted to go to United Kingdom so badly. I would even pray particularly for one University…London Metropolitan. I applied here two times and both scholarships didn’t work.

Then I grew up and opened my mind to other Universities, University of Salford, Manchester, University of Stirling etc. In all cases, I got a conditional offer, got excited and the scholarship didn’t happen. I wondered if it was my writing that was bad. Was I not making sense? Or just what.

So this time when I applied for this scholarship, I was certain it was going to pull through. I drafted the letter so well, captured all the relevant skills I knew how and was sure my writing was convincing enough. Better still, I wasn’t dealing with the scholarship awarding bodies directly, it was a nominating agency. I knew with a local office and local vetting of first stage, I will definitely get through. I was even imagining how I will be missing the sun and enjoying first time snow experience down or is it up in Scotland?(It depends with how you look and interpret your map)

I sat  there. Quietly. Deeply shattered. Devastated by the shocks of that automated email that bounced in at the wee hours of the morning.  I hadn’t quiet recovered. I wanted to cry. I couldn’t. So I sat, quietly.

I so badly wanted my mind to be quiet but for the better I was lost in wonder. Am I striving so hard to pursue my own desire? Am I limiting God to my ambitions and drives for United Kingdom? Is it me pushing for my own desires? Do I want to prove a point to self so badly? Can God make me an influential woman in my generation even from my village? Is it possible to trust God for a life that He already figured out? Should all those attempts that failed be saying something? Is it minutely true that God is trying to remind me that it isn’t His will for me?

I wanted answers. I stared blankly at my portrait on the wall.  Meh, life can be unfair…I thought. I didn’t want to think. I just wanted to be still. You know the way the Bible says that in Quietness of the soul and silence is your salvation. “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. Isaiah 30:15.  I just wanted that.  I shut my eyes. In the background was the instrumental of a worship I love. “ I will bless your name, I will bless your Holy name, when I am broken or whole, when I am full or hungry, when I am sad or happy, when I am hurting or joyful…I will bless Your Holy name.”

Then like a jerk that sees a jam started engine come to life, I heard a spark ignited in my soul. Give thanks in all things.  Give thanks to the Lord for He is Good. Bless the Lord Oh my soul, and forget not His benefits. Bless the Lord Oh my soul!  I remember giving thanks quietly in the spirit. I was there for a while and I felt a huge relief. I didn’t get an answer to all my questions. I still wonder even today, but I wonder with a revelation.  The Lord knows the plans He has for me, it is to give me a hope and a future… and yes, His thoughts are not my thoughts and neither is His ways my ways…

I feel like shelving my dream, my passion…but steadily I am learning to rely on Him and to trust for His Leading.
This was my journal awhile back. Today, I feel the same way. Only that the thoughts are scattered. They encompass many things. Even still,"Let God be true and all men be liars."

Journal

• What are you trying to force your into or out of at the moment?
• Are there areas you feel God is delaying and you just want to whatever to have your way?
• Ask the holder of time to reveal to you His mystery so that you can discern the times and season and learn to trust Him.

Let’s Pray

Lord, You are mighty and worthy and full of perfect love. Lord, as your word says, Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart help me find delight in You and your ways.  Please fill my heart with the desires You . Build up my faith to grow in you. Open my eyes to the way You see things, change my thinking and make me more of You, trusting you and waiting on your times with the assurance that at the right time, you will make it beautiful. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Daughter of the Covenant (Chiddy 2020)

#Deboraharise