Monday, 20 November 2017

Fear of Singlehood…



Calvary greetings after a long while of silence, 

You see, I was one of those girls who grew up knowing that by mid 20s, I will be married and begin making my family. Well, it didn’t happen. Sometimes I would wonder whether it was because I was too smart and strong-willed, too shy, too conservative, too strict, not so good enough, not hippie or just not beautiful enough to bowl a man over. I thought of many things; that maybe I will not be able to experience the gift of marriage. I fell in love too. Not once but a few times. I thought to myself finally, the curtains are down and our happily ever after is here. But somehow, things happened and here we are. I found myself into some few wrong ones too, mostly, wanting to feel special and also have someone to talk to late into the night and argue about who is to hang up first. You know those little things that make dating really exciting. 

There were days of feeling sorry, sad and confused. Fear crept in too sometimes. “Will I be married someday? Will I even meet a good man out here? They were seasons with dozens of question; questions that drove one to entertain the strangest of a male who will show an ounce of attention. A wrong move if you ask me. But I have come to appreciate one truth; the season of singlehood is one of the sweetest joys one can have. You get to enjoy a perfect Father –Daughter moment without distractions. 

You know, there are times I would pack my bags and travel to a new city or place, I wish I would make those memories with someone special and it broke my heart that the only thing I could do was journal. He can’t share the moments with me, but I can only share through my journals. I stared at the beautiful sunset, cruised to some quiet island in the early morning orange glare of the rising sun, the reflection on my face and the cool breeze flipping my hair messily. I kept every memory safely tucked in my journal. Sometimes I would look down and feign a smile when the water boat guy will ask why I am going to some island alone. Then I would face him, smile lightly as I adjust my hair and mumble something like, “He has phobia for water, he couldn’t join me,” Then he would say something like, “I wouldn’t let my woman out here alone with a group of strange men ,” in that Giriama accent. “I will swim the ocean just to show her that I got her back.  I would smile and adjust my camera lens and capture the scene around. 

Back then it was difficult. I had fears that ate my esteem. But when I realized how precious those moments were, I think my single season is the most beautiful phase of my life. You get to have a great opportunity of bonding with the Father. You talk to him about your secrets; you tell Him even how you don’t understand His sons’ behavior.  You engage Him like the little princess you are to help you understand our brothers, you even tell him of a stupid crush you have and know it is not right and how they drive you crazy. You know, just the kind of stuff that goes on between daddy and her daughter. The season affirms to you through friendship about your worth, value and how your father looks to you. A princess you are, with your identity pegged on your Father. He helps you to put your heart in Him, and like in the movie” Courageous” He softly and tenderly asks  you to give Him your heart, That He will guard it and entrust it to a man after His heart.

“Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all.” Proverbs 31: 29
Yeah, my Father –Daughter time has taught me that, my worth.  I am a daughter of my Father, who is dearly loved. Daddy’s girl; He hides me. He shares my joy, my pain, my laughter; He tells me am beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made.

He reminds me that even in that vacation, I was not alone. In the quiet island, I was never alone. He was there, He shared my memories. He was there kissing my forehead with the rays of the sunset, singing me beautiful songs with the chirping of the birds, excited with me as I got thrilled observing the marine life in the massive ocean. 

He was there when I sat across my bed reminding myself that someday he will be here, the three of us together. That he will be worth the wait. And even though my Father will be right in our midst, it will be special but different. It will be me with my moochie but my Father will be there. As for now, I will enjoy the time with my Father, I will dance with Him, I will watch my favorite movie with Him, I will travel places with Him and one day, I will share these memories with my father to my darling. I will keep my journal and gladly share my memories with him, so that he will know about my Father too.
For now, enjoy your father –daughter time darling!
Wont you?
PS: The website is now on…   www.lizzieadisawrites.com
  check out…our stories will be posted there from now hence fourth. Thank you!

Love

The sisters Keeper

#TrippleS122